By Maddy A - Madasonaysha@aol.com
The next morning everyone was talking about Loco's party. He was throwing one that Friday and he was known around the school as a big party animal. His parties were legendary. At lunch Peanut and Amanda were talking about how they wished they could go. Kayla normally sat with us, but she was busy doing something with student council that day. Forgetting that I already knew the answer, I asked what had to be the dumbest question.
"Why can't you guys go?" I asked. They both gave me a look that let me know just how stupid the question I had just asked was.
"Why do you think dofus? Loco is an Eastie. Nate would kill us both if we went." Amanda replied with a roll of the eyes. Peanut looked annoyed by the fact that he couldn't go and he let us know just how much he was.
"All this is BulL SHIT! Loco is my boy and I can't go because of some stupid gang shit? Well, fuck that! I'm tired of always having to do shit my ass hole brother tells me. Shit he's only 18, two years older than me and I already have a dad and that Nigga ain't him! Maybe if his drop out ass finished High school he would have better things to do with his time then to worry about what the fuck Amanda or I do. I ain't down with that fucking gang shit anyway! FUCK IT! I'm going, what about you Amanda, you gonna go if I do?" He asked. Amanda looked at him like he had just grown a second dick. She looked apprehensive for a moment, but then she got that look in her eyes that she always got when she was plotting something sneaky. I loved that look. She smiled at Peanut.
"You know what, I want to go. Yeah lets go." She said and they smiled at themselves approvingly. Peanut's face became serious again.
"But where not going to tell Nate though...right." He asked. I knew it was wrong to feel that way, but I was glad that I wasn't the only one who was had a fear of Nate. His brother was even afraid, although Peanut would never admit it.
"NO! We are definitely not telling him. Everyone there will be from East Side anyway and he don't talk to anyone who's not a Westie so its not like he` s going to find out. Besides, what he don't know, won't hurt me." She said and then preceded to laugh at her own sad little joke. Peanut and I looked at her sympathetically. She stopped laughing when she saw the way we were looking at her. The bell rung, preventing me from having the conversation with her that I wanted to. We would have that talk soon enough. I would make sure of it.
I never returned Joey's phone call from the night before and he wasn't in art class. I was surprised when he followed me into the bathroom after lunch. I was about to be late for class and I was trying to take a quick piss when the door opened and in he came. He looked upset about something, but I didn 't ask what was wrong. He said hello and I thanked God that my back was turned from him. If I would have looked into those crystal blue eyes of his, I knew with out a shadow-of-a-doubt that my "friend" in my hands would have started to wave at him. I zipped up and walked to the sink. He began to speak and his voice held an accusatory tone to it.
" I take it you ain't get my messages last night right!?" He stated. Looking in his face all the anger and hurt that I felt from the day before returned.
"I got home and I just assumed that you might have been out with your GIRLFRIEND Mercedes!" I retorted. His eyebrows furrowed and he moved closer to get up in my face. My heartbeat sped up with the close contact. He was only a few inches taller than me with my eyes being level with his chin. I met his gaze and the familiar warmth filled my chest like it always did when I was around him.
"She is NOT my girl. She just some chick on my dick." He practically yelled. The tone of his voice led no room for argument, but I did anyway.
"Well, she looked like your girlfriend the way you kissed her...but I guess you kiss a lot of people and it's doesn't mean anything to you. Kisses are just kisses to you...right?" I said. His face saddened and he looked like he was going to apologize for something, but then someone came in bathroom. The guy looked at us and Joey screamed at him "What the fuck you looking at" and the kid left intimidated by Joey`s brashness. I found it amazing that he could quickly go from being this kind, gentle guy to this hard-core gangster that could scare the shit out anyone. He turned to face me again, but I was already on my way out. `Why did I have to like him do much?' I asked myself. He stood in front of the doorway to block me from leaving.
"Move dude, I have to get to class." I told him calmly, but he didn't move. I wanted to push him out of my way, but something was stopping me. There was a force somewhere inside of me that was telling me to stay and listen.
"She's not my girlfriend I don't even like gir-." He cut himself off and turned his back towards me. I knew what he was about to say and I was going to make him say it.
"You don't like what Joey? What you don't like gir.. AHH... FORGET IT!" I chickened out. I'm not a pushy person and I didn't want to start being one. He looked like he was going to be sick. He pushed past me and hurled into the sink. His milky skin turned a sick shade of yellow and he was shaking violently. I stood behind him concerned as he rinsed and splashed his face with water. He put a stick of big red in his mouth. I put my hand on his back to soothe him and his body tensed up. I didn't move my hand and he didn't shake it off. The second bell rung telling us that we were now official late for class. He turned around to face me.
"Look were friends right?... I mean...that's all we can be." His voice sounded so sad that it made me want to cry. He broke my heart all over again. ` Friends` That's all he wanted to be. I knew he liked me. Why can't he just tell me? I looked at him for a long time not saying anything. He became uncomfortable under my gaze and tried to turn his face away, but I didn't let him. I grabbed his face with one hand, lifted my face to meet his and before I knew it I kissed him. It wasn't a bullshit kiss like he had with Mercedes. No, this kiss was raw and full of passion. His tongue glided over mine and his hands found the back of head, forcing my face closer to his, if that was even possible. I could taste the faint presence of bile mixed with the spiciness of his gum, but the kiss was still as sweet as the first time. I ignored the little voice inside my head that was telling me it was a bad idea to be kissing him in the bathroom when anyone could walk in. I let myself get momentarily lost in the kiss, but this time I was the one to pull away. His eyes were still closed; no doubt reliving the kiss we just had shared. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at me with just as much lust in his eyes as I know I had in mine. He was about to lean down and kiss me again when some other kids came in. They didn't notice us, but Joey panicked and left with me following close behind him. He glanced around saw that the hall was empty, started to talk.
"Chris dude, I think your cool as hell, but I...we...I can't do that. I'm sorry." He left me standing by the lockers alone. I knew I should have been feeling sad, but strangely I wasn't. The guy of my dreams all but admitted that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I kissed him and he kissed me back. He kissed me back!
The rest of the week sort of flew by. Joey started to act distant towards me every since that kiss in the bathroom. Every time I would try to talk to him he would all, but ignore me. By the time Friday came I was fed up. I had enough of that stupid game he was trying to play. Why couldn't he just admit that he wanted me? Did he think that it was easy for me to let him know how I felt about him? If I could take the chance, why couldn't he? If the week wasn' t stressful enough I had to deal with Kayla trying to put the moves on me. She was a nice girl and very pretty, but I couldn't give her what she wanted. Amanda found the whole situation hilarious. Peanut thought that I was crazy to not try and, as he put it, "Run game on her." If he only knew the real reason why I wasn't interested in Kayla, I was sure that he would think that I was crazy for a whole different reason.
I was walking in the hallway when Kayla cornered me. She spoke to me seductively as her hands found mine. To spare hurting her feelings, I resisted the urge to snatch my hands away. She looked into my eyes and I knew I was in trouble.
"So Chris boo, you're going to Loco's party right?" She asked me. Her voice was soft and feminine but held no appeal to me.
"Yeah, I'm going with Peanut and Amanda." I hesitantly responded.
"Well, why don't you take me instead."? I didn't want to hurt her, but it would be wrong to lead her on. I was just about to let her down when I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked across the hall to see Joey intently watching us. When my eyes met his, he looked away and started to talk to Loco and Kenny pretending as if I just didn't catch him staring. Kayla's hand began to rub mine and I didn't stop her. Joey would steal glances at me and I could have sworn that he looked jealous. His eyebrows were furrowed and even from across the hallway I could see a tiny vein in his neck protrude. He was grinding his teeth and I heard Loco ask him what was wrong, but he shrugged it off. If Joey wanted a show, I was going to give him one. I spoke to Kayla loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Why don't you give me your number and we can talk about us going to the party together." I told her. I didn't know why she spoke loudly too, but I was glad that she did.
"A'ight, but no Amanda or Peanut. Just you... and me." She put emphasis on the words, `you and me'. I looked over to see that Joey and his friends were all watching us. Loco and Kenny looked excited for me, but I could feel the contempt radiating off Joey.
"Sure girl, just you and me." She wrote down her number and I was caught off guard when she kissed my cheek before walking off. Her friends were giggling to themselves as I stood there with a surprised smile pasted on my face. She was sweet, I just hoped I didn't lead her on too much. Loco and Kenny walked over clapping me on the back, giving me "mad-props".
"DAMN SON! Kayla giving you some play?" Loco asked me. They started walking with me down the hall. Joey was quietly fuming to himself. I thought that I was bad at hiding my emotions, but Joey was even worse. I was going to play this whole Kayla situation up for all it was worth.
"Yeah, she wants me to take her to your party." I replied with a smile. Joey shot me an evil glare and addressed me.
"She a hoe! She suck mad dick!" He said. We were all surprised by his sudden outburst. Loco and Kenny looked at him like he was crazy.
"No she ain't! Kayla don't mess when anybody. Now your girl Mercy done been around the block a few times". Loco said. He and Kenny cracked up laughing.
"Man fuck ya'll". Joey said and stormed off. Loco and Kenny watched him leave with puzzled looks on their faces.
"Yo what da fuck is that Nigga's problem? He been acting crazy all week." Kenny said to Loco.
"I know what you mean. He's been tripping every since school started. I think he need his dick sucked or something." Loco replied. He and Kenny laughed as they continued to walk down the hallway. They didn't know what was wrong with him, but I had and idea. This was going to be a very interesting party tonight, very interesting....