By Daniel M email@example.com March 25 2005
Arising early the next morning, Andrew glanced at Mitch's sleeping form. For once he looked peaceful. Free of the demons that plagued his waking hours, and free of the tortures that he had been subjected to for so long. Andrew sighed and looked down. He slipped from between the sheets quietly and made his way down to the kitchen where he turned on the kettle and started to make his coffee. Once it was done he slipped out onto the balcony and looked out at his view of the cold brown brick of the neighbours wall. Sighing, he looked down and couldn't find any lift or joy within the cold confines of brick and mortor that surrounded him. He looked out towards the street and saw people running up and down the sidewalk trying to get to their next appointment, the next meeting, the next haircut and the next mistress. He was startled back to reality by a gentle hand falling to his shoulder.
"You're up early." Cameron said gently, easing himself into the chair at Andrew's side.
"Couldn't sleep." Andrew replied, taking another mouthful of coffee. Cameron shot him a sidelong glance before speaking again.
"What's wrong bud? I've never known you to have a problem like this where you couldn't sleep." Cameron pushed for more information. Andrew sighed and looked into the bottom of his mug.
"I'm lonely Cam. That's all."
"Lonely? You've got Nessa and I. You've got Mitch." Cameron said confused.
"I wasn't talking physically lonely. I know I've got great friends. I meant emotionally lonely. I'm jealous of you at times y'know. You never have a problem finding the next Anna, or the next Stacey or whatever name you happen to want that particular week." Andrew sighed. Cameron looked down ashamed of the perception he gave his friend. Andrew reached out and touched his arm lightly.
"There is nothing wrong with your sexual appetite before you go beating yourself up. I guess I just want contentment and a loving someone to come home to." Andrew tried to explain. Cameron's face rippled with emotion. Understanding, hurt, sympathy all mixed in together.
"I know it's not much." Cameron began. "I love you." Cameron blushed and looked down.
"Why my dear Mr Slater, I do believe you've just admitted your emotions to anyone for the very first time." Andrew grinned at his friend. Cameron blushed and looked into the alley below them.
"Think what you want about me having whoever I want, because Andrew, I honestly feel alone." Cameron admitted. "The space in my bed may be taken at times, but it's not what I want. I'm afraid to be alone. I don't know half the time if the girls are attracted to me or my body." Andrew looked at Cameron in surprise, having never guessed the way his friend felt. Andrew reached his hand out and gently took Cameron's in his own.
"I'm sorry if I was cruel before. I'm just in a down mood today. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just tired of sitting surrounded by people, all so eager to accept me that they won't hear what I say they just agree without knowing what they agreed to." Andrew's gaze lowered again. Cameron stood up and walked over to where Andrew sat and wrapped his strong arms around Andrew's shoulders. Andrew smiled slightly looking down, enjoying the warmth of the embrace. When Cameron finally released his grip he looked at his friend and kissed him gentle on the top of Andrew's head. Grasping Andrew's shoulder one last time, Cameron turned around and walked inside. Lifting the coffee to his lips, Andrew stopped briefly then swallowed the remanents of the bitter brew.
Later on that day as Andrew was sitting at his computer tapping away at the keys, Mitch padded up behind him gently.
"Andrew." Mitch said. Andrew jumped in his chair and turned to see Mitch cower slightly.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to make sure it was ok if I could have a shower." Andrew cringed within himself at how timid, insecure and unsure Mitch really was.
"Don't worry about it, I just didn't hear you come in. Sure you can have a shower. You know where it is right?" Andrew asked. Mitch nodded his head, then backed carefully out of the room as not to disturb anything. Cameron walked in five minutes later.
"I saw Mitch leaving from in here. How's it all going with him?" Andrew turned in his chair to look at his friend leaning in the doorway.
"Two steps forward, three back. He still jumps if you move wrong and apologizes for everything. He's still double checking everything even as simple as showering. It's like he's unsure what we want from him and where our limits are."
"How do we break him from the it?" Asked Cameron.
"We can't do it for him, only he can do it for himself. This is his own battle which we can't fight for him. Only he can fight it for himself." Andrew said sadly. Cameron nodded and walked into the room, lowering his voice.
"How are you feeling now?" Asked Cameron.
"I'm ok. Very glad you're around." Andrew said with a soft smile playing on his lips. Cameron closed the door softly.
"Andy, there's something I wanted to ask you." Cameron said. Andrew cocked his head to the side.
"Why are you so afraid to let anyone in?" Cameron asked. Andrew stopped and looked at his friend.
"I don't let people in?" He asked confused.
"You hold every one at arm's length." Cameron said gently. Andrew sighed and slumped back into his chair. Cameron reached out and rested his hand on Andrew's shoulder.
"This morning was the first time in four years that you have ever opened up to me. I just wish it hadn't been about something so depressing." Cameron said gently.
"It's always been difficult for me to open up to anyone Cam, you know that." Andrew said. Cameron snorted in laughter.
"Difficult to open up? Please, I remember a certain day in ninth grade you came running up to me at school and told me you'd finally had a wet dream. I remember the day in eigth grade when you proudly told me you had your first pubic hair." Cameron said dryly. Andrew turned bright red and giggled. Cameron smiled.
"All I'm trying to say Andy is you can talk to me if you want." Cameron patted him on the shoulder and left the room quietly. Just before he could walk out the door Andrew called out softly.
"Thanks Cam." Cameron turned and smiled then walked out the door.
Sitting in front of the television Cameron and Andrew were watching a dvd when a wail sounded out. Cameron and Andrew looked at each other than ran down to Andrew's room. Throwing open the door, they watched as Mitch writhed on the bed fast asleep.
"Alright Dr Phil, how do we fix this one?" Cameron asked uncertainly. Andrew considered pulling Cameron's head infront of Mitch's wildly flailing arms and seeing what improvements it would do.
"Very carefully." Andrew said opting to keep Cameron in one piece in case he needed help restraining Mitch. Walking to the bed gently as not to disturb the troubled young man, haunted by the demons of hell behind his closed eyes.
"Mitch," Called Andrew softly, "Mitch, you need to wake up now." Cameron reached for to grab Mitch. Seeing it out of the corner of his eye he called out
"No don't wake him. It's just like a sleep walker. It can do damage." Cameron nodded gravely. Andrew called Mitch's name again. In response Mitch started slapping himself across the face and started mumbling to himself. Andrew and Cameron strained to hear what he was was saying. Mitch's volume began to rise and did the strength of his blows.
"I'll be better, help me be better." He kept saying until he was almost screaming. He hit himself again and again until the side of his face was an angry scarlet red. Cameron shoved Andrew out of the way.
"Fuck this can't wake him shit. He'll kill himself before he wakes himself." Cameron grasped Mitch's arms and yanked him up so Mitch was held in against his chest and unable to hit himself. Mitch thrashed wildly in Cameron's arms.
"Mitch. Mitch it's time to wake up." Cameron said causing Mitch to struggle harder. Cameron looked at Andrew for guidance.
"Mitch, you're not being better doing that now wake up." Andrew said forcefully, mentally beating himself for having to take to ways of Jay to get a response. Mitch stopped struggling in Cameron's arms and slowly opened his eyes. Waking to find himself being held so tightly into Cameron's chest he started to scream and struggle again.
"Wait, it's me Cameron. It's Cam." Cameron said quickly. Mitch looked up and saw Cameron and shuddered involuntarily then fell against Cameron's chest sobbing. Andrew backed slowly out of the room, wanting to both give Cameron time to quiet Mitch and to also hide his shame of being as domineering as what Jay had been.
Sitting watching television, Andrew was startled when Cameron came in and sat down beside him.
"He's asleep again." Cameron said quietly. Andrew nodded and didn't take his eyes of the set. Cameron nudged him
"What's wrong?" Cameron asked softly. Andrew glanced over for the first time.
"Nothing's wrong really. Just wanted the alone time before work." Andrew answered. Shaking his head Cameron nudged Andrew again.
"Sure that's all that wrong Andrew. Lie to yourself all you want. Please, don't lie to me. You're face screams that there's something wrong." Cameron said. Andrew looked over and carefully analyzed Cameron's face.
"It's not something I want to talk about. Just drop it." Andrew said forcefully. "Excuse me, I have to get ready for work." With that Andrew pushed himself off the couch. Cameron reached out and grabbed Andrew's arm who tried to pull it from his grasp. Cameron pulled Andrew's arm, setting him off-balance and sprawling into Cameron's lap.
"Why are you closing yourself off from me Andy? You have never done this to me before." Andrew struggled his way into a sitting position. As he sat up it put his nose inches from Cameron's. They sat there looking eye to eye, Andrew tried to see what was in Cameron's eyes. Finally giving way, Andrew pressed his lips against Cameron's quickly then pulled back. Cameron looked at Andrew in surprise.
"Happy now?" Andrew spat at Cameron as he got up and left the room. Andrew walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him. Sighing and half sobbing he leant back against the door. He heard Cameron bang on the door and call out his name. Waiting for a quick silence, Andrew locked the door so he knew Cameron would hear it. Walking away he sighed again and turned on the shower. Shedding his clothes he stepped quickly into the shower.
After walking out of the bathroom and changing he walked down the hallway to collect his keys before going to work. Under his keys and wallet was a note from Cameron, who's severe cursive spelt out Andrew's name. Picking the paper up, Andrew started to read.
I've gone out. Not from what you did, but from now needing to reconcile things in my head.
This is by no means a slight to you or a disapproval of your kiss. It's just made me want
to think about a few things. When you get home, I want to talk to you about a few things.
None of it is in anger. You're my best friend and I love you lots bud. Catch you soon.
Andrew put the note back down with a puzzled look crossing his face. The behaviour was out of the norm for Cameron. Putting the note in his pocket along with his wallet he headed down to his room to let Mitch know he was heading out. Grabbing his cell phone, Andrew walked out the door.
Towards the end of his shift, Andrew turned around and was confronted by Vanessa grinning at him.
"Well all good things must come to an end. How are ya Nessa?" Asked Andrew.
"I'll pretend you didn't say that but I'm good how are you?"
"Let me see, I've been in hosptial, I've got Mitch staying with me and to top it off I kissed Cameron and he's disappeared." Nessa was nodding at a rate that Andrew considered changing her to a bobble head toy.
"There's so a story here, I'll wait for you to finish and we'll talk but for now large fries and lot burger thanks." She said grinning. Sighing Andrew rang up the order.
Sitting down with Vanessa after he'd finished Andrew relayed the goings on of the past couple of weeks to her. Vanessa sat there quietly eatting and listening to the tale. When Andrew eventually finished he looked at Nessa.
"So now what do you think I should do?"
"Get laid." Vanessa dead panned. Andrew arched an eyebrow and gave her a look that could only have meant fuck off.
"Before that though there are three things you need to do. One, talk to Cam. Two, talk to Mitch and three, work out who you really want to be with." Andrew sighed.
"How did I know you were going to say that?" He asked.
"Mostly because you know what you have to do, but sometimes just need to be told." Vanessa advised and Andrew dropped his head in defeat.
Walking in the door he was greeted by Mitch coming out of the kitchen.
"Hey I didn't know if you had eatten but I made some food. I hope it's ok and I promise I'll clean the kitchen as soon as I've served your food up." Mitch said. Andrew nodded and pulled Mitch into a tight hug. Mitch stiffened at first then started to relax into the warm embrace.
"Are you ok?" He asked. Andrew just nodded his head and held Mitch a moment longer before letting go. Mitch smiled shyly then led Andrew to the already set table and sat him down before fetching the food. Mitch set the food before Andrew and then disappeared back into the kitchen. Andrew could hear cleaning going on and got up from the table.
"Aren't you going to eat with me?" He asked.
"Well you'll be finished by the time I'm done cleaning." Mitch said.
"I can help you clean after we've eatten ok." Mitch looked at Andrew unsure.
"Are you sure? I mean it's no problem I can like finish cleaning now." He said. Andrew smiled.
"Yes I'm sure. Now get yourself a plate and come and join me. The food smells great and it wouldn't be right wihtout company. So please, come and join me. I'll help you clean after." Mitch smiled brightly and got his plate then headed out to join Andrew.
The pair were just finishing the cleaning when they heard the front door open. Realising it had to be Cameron, Andrew laid down the towel he was drying the plates with and walked out to see Cameron standing there. His jeans were baggy, his cap on back to front looking like a lost boy who was unsure of what to do. Cameron looked up and saw Andrew and smiled slightly. Andrew stuck his head into the kitchen and spoke to Mitch.
"Cam and I are going to be in the study, we need to talk privately if that's ok." Mitch's eyes widened slightly as he swallowed and nodded. Walking into the kitchen Andrew hugged Mitch from behind.
"It's ok, it's nothing to do with you. We're working something out between us." Mitch nodded sagely, but the fear didn't leave his eyes.
Walking out and motioning towards the study, Andrew followed Cameron into the study. As soon as the door was closed Cameron was right next to Andrew hugging him close.
"I just want you to know that when I went out it was nothing negative ok." Cameron said. Andrew could only nod into his friends shoulder. Releasing Andrew and stepping back a bit, Cameron walked over to one of the office chairs and sat down.
"What I guess I should say is that it made me want to think about things. You made me want to make sure I knew myself." Andrew nodded having a sinking feeling he knew where this was headed.
"I've wondered a couple of times if I might be interested in guys." Cameron confessed. Andrew blinked in surprise, having never guessed it would have ever crossed his mind before. Cameron stood up and walked over this Andrew and looked him in the eye.
"Before today, I've been looked at, hit on and even had my ass pinched by guys. Never before has one of them kissed me and run. Much less kissed me. Well, you did and I have to be honest, I kinda really liked it." Andrew's eyes blinked wider in surprise. Cameron looked down at his feet then across to the wall.
"The thing is, when I went out, I was determined I was going to find a man to experiment on and make sure. I even walked pass one of the areas where all the gay hookers hang. Every time I looked at a guy, he was you. I'd start to get excited then it was you and I just couldn't. It's like I dunno, you were on my mind all day. I just don't know... you're the only guy I'd want to be with and I don't want to be with you like that. I know that's completely against itself, but it's the way I am. We have a perfect love now. We love each other, we're closer than anyone else and I'm just fucking this up aren't I? Well I love you but I don't want to be with you. Please don't take that wrong." Andrew smiled and came up to Cameron and leant his forehead against Cameron's.
"It's ok, I don't want a straight boy anyways. I love you too, but I don't want to be with you. The kiss was, I don't know, I had a moment where I thought I loved you so strongly you could be the one, but I don't. You're my family. You're all I've got. I don't want to fuck it up with sex." Andrew said as he lifted Cameron's chin so they were looking eye to eye.
They stood there, not sure of what to say, as their eyes drifted closed and Andrew leant in and kissed Cameron again. Slowly they sank to the floor, Andrew legs folding underneath him and Cameron on top of him.
They kissed and lapped at each other's lips. They could feel the other's apparent excitement through the pants they were wearing. Cameron started grinding into Andrew who wrapped his legs up around Cameron's waist. Reaching down Andrew tugged Cameron's shirt up over his head. Rolling over so Cameron was lying on the bottom, Andrew's legs still around his waist, Andrew started to kiss and lick over Cameron's neck down towards the nipples which sat on his hairless chest. With Andrew licking at his nipples, Cameron let out a quiet groan.
Andrew's hands wandered down lower and tugged at the belt that was fastened around Cameron's waist. Sliding it off, Andrew then undid Cameron's pants and tugged them down off his legs. Cameron lay there in nothing more than a pair of black lycra boxer briefs. Kissing from Cameron's navel down Andrew kissed at the top of the hidden prize, stricken from view behind a piece of material. Andrew kissed the hard outline through the flimsy material. Cameron let out another low groan and pushed his hips upwards before grabbing Andrew and pulling him up for another kiss. This time Cameron rolled them over and pulled Andrew's shirt off. He then reached down and tugged at Andrew's pants before pushing them down off his legs. Andrew's erect member pushed upwards within his boxers, begging for release.
Cameron pulled down the boxers and looked at it, momentarily unsure of what to do. Andrew pushed himself up and gently pushed Cameron onto his back, tugging at the boxer briefs that still encompassed Cameron. Lowering his mouth to the head that glistened at him, he started to suck at the tip pushing his lips down and over Cameron's member, peeling the foreskin back. Sucking his way down the shaft he heard Cameron moan in appreciation. He bobbed up and down sometimes fast sometimes slow. Cameron was in a land of his own, sbumitting the to the wave after wave of pleasure that washed through him. Realising what was happening, Cameron pulled Andrew off himself and dragged Andrew up to his lips and kissed him long and hard, his hand reaching down to encircle Andrew and gently started tugging away. Andrew lay beside Cameron and kissed him.
Cameron pushed Andrew onto his back and kissed from his ear lobes all the way down to his chest. He gently started to suck and nip lightly at them until they became erect. He then started to his his way down over Andrew's body. Taking Andrew's hardness into his mouth, he tried to mimic Andrew's movements only to gag halfway down, pulling back up Cameron gave Andrew a sheepish grin and then tried again. Andrew groaned out loud and reached down, tangling his fingers in Cameron's hair. Cameron's hands roamed down between Andrew legs and the cleft between his ass cheeks. Dragging his fingers tips along there, hitting the sensitive opening that caused Andrew to groan and jerk his hips up. Andrew looked down at Cameron
"Please do it. I want you to." Cameron looked at Andrew unsure but was placated by the nod of Andrew's head. Cameron stod to grab a bottle of lube from computer desk draw. Andrew arched an eyebrow.
"Helps when viewing porn on the net." Cameron grinned sheepishly. Cameron poured some of the clear liquid into his hand and rubbed it around Andrew's opening causing Andrew to gasp at the cool touch of the fluid. Andrew then poured some onto his own hand and reached down and massaged it over Cameron. Then lying back he lifted himself and Cameron settled between his legs.
"Are you sure?" Cameron breathed into Andrew ear. Andrew only nodded in response and tried to prepare for the invasion. Cameron placed the head at Andrew's opening and slowly pushed in slightly. Andrew pushed out and felt Cameron slip in. Slowly Cameron edged in further, allowing Andrew to become accustomed to him. Soon he felt himself all of the way inside and looked at Andrew who pulled him down into a kiss. The kiss lingered as Cameron began the age old motion working himself in and out. Pulling back Cameron gave himself freedom to move in and out faster and also to take hold of Andrew and gently start to pull on Andrew's hard member. Soon they were moving as a well oiled machine.
As they went, their breathing quickened and Cameron's movements became more frantic. Looking at Andrew, Cameron lowered his head to talk.
"Where do I cum?" Andrew looked him dead in the eye.
"Deep inside me." Cameron blinked in surprise.
"But I don't have a condom on." Andrew nodded.
"I've never had unprotected sex before and I got tested not long ago. I trust you with my life." Andrew said calmly. Cameron nodded. He leant down and kissed Andrew before leaning into Andrew's ear and whispering
"I love you." As he said it, he started to push in harder and faster and pumped away on Andrew's own member faster pushing Andrew over the edge. As Andrew's body spasmed around Cameron's erect cock buried deep inside him it was all the was required to set off Cameron who came with a slight groan. As they subsided and slowly relaxed Cameron collapsed on top of Andrew, squashing the evidence of Andrew's orgasm between them. Their breathing evened out and softened. Kissing Andrew's neck Cameron pulled himself back up so he was lookin in Andrew's eyes.
"I know we'll need to talk more now, but I love you. I don't know if it's the right or wrong love, but I do." Cameron said. Andrew nodded.
"I'm the same, I love you, but we'll work it out together." Andrew smiled. Cameron grinned and pulled Andrew to him.
"Sleep with me tonight?" Cameron asked. Andrew nodded and cuddled into his friend and perhaps lover. Cameron pulled himself out of Andrew and walked over to his desk and grabbed a towel from the bottom draw. Andrew shook his head smiling. Kneeling down, Cameron wiped Andrew clean. Taking the towel from Cameron, Andrew returned the favour. Dressing again, they walked out of the room. Andrew to find Mitch, Cameron to make sure his room was clean enough for company.
Finding Mitch in his room, Andrew sat down next to him. Mitch averted his eyes as Andrew sat down.
"You okay?" Andrew asked Mitch. Mitch nodded.
"What's wrong?" Andrew pushed.
"It's nothing." Mitch snapped defensivly then flinched. Andrew shook his head and pulled Mitch to him.
"Ok and now the truth." Andrew pushed.
"I've just been thinking about Jay and I'm missing him and I know I shouldn't but I do." Mitch felt tears running down his cheeks. He pulled back.
"If you don't mind, I just need alone time, I'll sleep on the couch tonight." Andrew shook his head.
"It's ok, I'm going to sleep with Cam tonight, you can stay in here." Mitch's head snapped around.
"Is everything ok?" He asked worriedly.
"It's fine. It's just part of what he and I were talking about before. We're just giving us time to tallk and be close like we always are and you time to be by yourself." Andrew explained. Mitch nodded. Andrew felt bad because to his ears he was saying it like it was a generous offer, when in fact the reason was a lot more selfish.
Walking into Cameron's room after a shower, Cameron's face reflected disappointment. Walking straight over to his friend he nudged Cameron.
"What's up?" Andrew asked as Cameron pulled open the door to the ensuite which was candlelit and a bath drawn.
"It's ok, I need my back washed." Andrew said with a wink pulling Cameron into a tight embrace.