‘Am I gay?’ Jeremy asked himself as he lie in his bed. He had never had an actual attraction to a girl. Sure, there were some that he thought were pretty, but there was no physical attraction. On the other hand, there were times when he wanted to touch Casey. He had never thought of it as a sexual attraction, but maybe it was. He though Casey was handsome and had a beautiful body. ‘When I masturbate what image comes to mind?’ He asked himself. ‘I think of Casey,’ He answered himself.’
“I’m gay,” He said out loud. “I’m gay. But, I can’t be gay. What would Casey think? There I go thinking of Casey.” Jeremy’s mind was racing from one point to another. “What was it that Annie said to me? Oh yeah it was, ‘You may or you may not be gay, regardless, be happy with yourself.’
“Annie, do you think I’m gay?” Jeremy asked when he saw her next.
“It doesn’t matter what I think,” She quietly answered. “What matters is what you feel. Do you think you might be gay?”
“I don’t know if I am. I’ve thought about our conversation and then I asked myself some questions, and I admitted to myself that I probably am.”
“Whether you’re gay or not doesn’t change who you are. If you let it, it could change how you feel about yourself. You have a good heart and a good brain. They talk to each other. Let your brain hear what your heart has to say. If you are gay, you must be careful; some may want to harm you just because you’re gay.”
“Why would someone care if I’m gay?”
“They have been taught by some religious fanatics that homosexuality is a sin. They would kill a man for loving another man. Yet, they would ignore one of the Ten Commandments. I think many are unsure of their own sexuality.”
“I’m still trying to figure my sexuality, and I don’t want to go kill a homosexual.”
“The difference is that you’re already man enough to try and figure it out. Have you talked to your parents about this yet?”
“Not yet, but I intend to talk to them when the time is right.”
“You’ll know when the time is right. But, don’t wait until you’re thirty to do so.”
The day before Jeremy’s fourteenth birthday Nancy asked, “What do you want to do for your birthday?”
“I don’t know,” He answered. “It isn’t like I have a lot of friends here to celebrate with.”
“Son, I’m sorry that you couldn’t be with your friends to celebrate,” Allen said. “But, once you start school you will make new ones.”
“Dad, I’m not angry,” Jeremy said. “I was upset at first, but I know that you and mom did what was best for our family.”
“Honey, we left California with a thirteen year old boy and now have a soon to be fourteen year old man,” Allen said.
“Jeremy, I know we don’t tell you often enough how much we love you,” Nancy said. “You’ve been a great pleasure to us.”
“Mom, Dad, I’m not sure you will love me when I say what I need to say,” Jeremy said.
“No matter what, we’ll still love you,” Allen said. “You’ve always made us proud.”
“Would you be proud to have a gay son?” Jeremy asked.
“If you were that gay son, yes,” Nancy said.
“I think I may be gay,” Jeremy confessed.
“What do you mean; you think you may be gay?” Allen almost shouted.
“I have no interest in girls, and I enjoy looking at boys more than girls,” Jeremy confessed.
“It’s just a phase you’re going through,” Allen said. “A lot of people question their sexuality.”
“Dad, I have been questioning my sexuality,” Jeremy said. “I have absolutely no interest in girls.”
“You will when you’re a little older,” Allen argued,
“Honey, I think he has thought this through,” Nancy said. “How old when you first became interested in girls?”
“I was about twelve or thirteen,” Allen admitted.
“Jeremy is fourteen,” Nancy said. “I think he knows.”
“Dad, I can’t change because you don’t want a gay son,” Jeremy said.
“Allen, if you’re having trouble with this we need to talk,” Nancy said.
“Jeremy, I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” Allen said. “I was just a little surprised. I love you as much today as I did yesterday. We are lucky to have you as our son.”
Jeremy’s birthday party included the only people he knew in Oklahoma, his parents and Annie. However, he didn’t care. His parents gave him a new laptop computer and Annie gave him a handcrafted Cherokee flute. “This is beautiful, but I don’t know how to play it,” He said.
“I can teach you,” Annie offered. She took the flute and began playing Amazing Grace.
“That was beautiful,” Nancy said. “Do you know how to play Cherokee Morning Song? Jeremy was singing it the other morning, and it was beautiful.”
“I’ll play it if Jeremy will sing it,” Annie said.
Jeremy reluctantly agreed to sing.
We n’ de ya ho, We n’ de ya ho
We n’ de ya ho, We n’ de ya ho, ho ho ho
He ya ho he ya, Ya ya ya
“That was beautiful,” Nancy said as she wiped tears from her eyes.
“I have an idea,” Allen said. “I’ll be right back.” Allen returned with a tape recorder and said, “Annie why don’t you record that song on the flute and then you and Jeremy sing it together. Jeremy said that you had a beautiful voice.”
After Annie had recorded the flute portion Allen push the play button and Annie and Jeremy began singing.
We n’ de ya ho, We n’ de ya ho
We n’ de ya ho, We n’ de ya ho, ho ho ho
He ya ho he ya, Ya ya ya
“That was so beautiful that it moves me to tears,” Nancy said as she once again wiped tears away.
“Jeremy has a beautiful voice, and he should consider joining the Cherokee National Youth Choir,” Annie said.
“What is that?” Jeremy asked.
“They sing entirely in Cherokee, and are young people who are in grades seven through twelve,” Annie explained. They have performed at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC, Ground Zero in New York City, and Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.”
“But, I don’t speak Cherokee,” Jeremy said.
“They teach you the Cherokee words you need to know to sing a song, just like Cherokee Morning Song that I taught you,” Annie explained. “It would be a good way for you to learn Cherokee.”
“I will consider it,” Jeremy said.
“You will be starting school next week,” Nancy said one morning over breakfast. “I want to take you to Tulsa to shop for new school clothes.”
“Why Tulsa?” He asked.
“We could shop here, but I thought it would be nice if your dad took us to Tulsa for a family excursion,” Nancy said.
To Jeremy’s surprise, Tulsa was almost as large as Sacramento. The mall Allen chose was packed with other families who were also preparing for school. Jeremy was one of those teenagers who thought it was unnecessary to purchase name brand clothes. He was content with whatever his parent’s purchased for him. However, his mother insisted that since he was now in high school he would need nicer clothes to fit in.
“Mom, I don’t care if I fit in or not,” Jeremy protested. Nevertheless, he ended up with lots of Ralph Lauren, American Eagle, and some Aeropostale. After shopping they went to Fuddruckers for lunch.
“Don’t be nervous,” Allen said when he drove is son to his first day of high school. “This is the first day of high school for all of you ninth graders.”
“Yeah, but they were in middle school together,” Jeremy argued.
“You’ll be fine,” Nancy assured him. “And you will be one of the best dressed freshmen.”
Jeremy took his class schedule out and began looking for his first class. “You’re new also?” A pretty girl asked as he was looking for his classroom.
“Yes, we moved here from California,” Jeremy said.
“We moved here from Kansas,” She said. “I’m Allison.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Jeremy.”
“What is your first class?”
“I have algebra.”
After comparing class schedules they discovered that they had biology together.
“You’re in the choir?
“I’m enrolled but, I’m not sure if I’m good enough. I don’t even know how to read music.”
“I think they teach you how.”
“Here’s my class room. I guess I’ll see you in biology.”
“If you get there first save me a seat.”
The English teacher, Mrs. Walker, reminded Jeremy of Lilly Tomlin. He even expected the little nasal snort that she did. Before the end of the class he decided that he was going to like her. She was funny as she gave out information about the class.”
“How were your first classes?” Allison asked as she patted the seat next to her in the biology classroom.
“Good so far?” Jeremy answered. “Of course we didn’t do much on this first day. How were yours?”
“Pretty much the same.”
The biology teacher entered the room and Jeremy had the impression that she was going to be a BITCH. She wore a business suit and her hair was in a bun that was pulled so tight that Jeremy thought she must have a headache. “Quiet!” She yelled. The yell was with such force that the class immediately became so quiet that one could hear a pin drop.
Allison looked at Jeremy as if to say, ‘What are we in for?’
“I’m Ms. Davis. I expect you to pay attention in my class. If you’re looking for an easy class you’re in the wrong class. I will be passing out a list of my class rules and I expect you to follow them. I’ll not be reading these rules to you. I assume you can read.” With that she immediately began lecturing. Many students sat stunned, but Allison, Jeremy and a few others began taking notes. Before the end of class, Ms. Davis stopped lecturing and said, “We will now have a quiz over today’s lecture. You may use your notes IF you took notes.”
“She’s a bitch,” Jeremy heard a student say as he and Allison exited the class before going to the cafeteria for lunch.
“Young lady, I heard that,” Ms. Davis said. “Get back in here.”
“How in the world did she hear that girl say that?” Allison asked as she put her tray on the table. “There was so much noise that I wouldn’t have heard if she hadn’t been next to us.”
“Maybe she’s the bionic woman,” Jeremy suggested.
“Yeah, that’s it she’s the bionic woman, not the biology woman,” Allison laughed.
Jeremy was more tense than he had been of all his classes when he went to his chorus classroom. There was a mixture of freshmen through seniors. Shortly before the bell ran, the most handsome boy Jeremy had ever seen entered the class and took the only seat available that was next to Jeremy. He was a couple of inches taller than Jeremy, had black hair, and gorgeous brown eyes. When he smiled at Jeremy, he had perfect white teeth.
Mrs. Webster soon had the class relaxed. “Many of you are new to chorus,” She began. “How many of you don’t read music?”
Jeremy and a few others raised their hands. “Don’t worry about that,” Mrs. Webster continued. “We will soon have you reading music. I will be spending the remainder of the class with the newcomers doing scales. There will be no laughing from the remainder of you. If I hear any laughing I’ll play samples of your first scales.”
The class laughed at that statement, and Jeremy assumed that some were pretty bad. Annie had assured him that he had talent and nothing to worry about.
“It looks like you’re the last one. Tell me your name,” Ms. Webster said when it was Jeremy’s turn.
“Jeremy Morgan,” He said. “We moved here from California this summer.”
“Were you in choir in California?”
“No, I’ve never tried to sing before. Our neighbor has been teaching me some Cherokee songs, and she and my mother encouraged me to be in the choir here.”
“I’m sure you will do fine,” Ms. Webster assured him. “You’ve heard the other students scale. Do you think you can scale or would you like for me to scale for you first”
“I think I can.”
“Your mother and neighbor were correct, you do have a fine voice,” Ms. Webster said. “Would you mind singing one of the Cherokee songs your neighbor taught you?”
Jeremy sang is favorite, Cherokee Morning Song. When he finished, the room was quiet and then there was a loud applause.
“My goodness, that was beautiful,” Mrs. Webster said. “I think we are fortunate that your neighbor and mother encouraged you to join the choir.”
“Are you Cherokee too?” The handsome boy asked Jeremy after class.
“I’m one quarter,” Jeremy answered as he began to feel his penis grow from excitement.
“I’m one half,” He said. “My name is Cody Downing, what’s yours?”
“Jeremy Morgan,” Jeremy said as he extended his hand to Cody. He felt electricity between them when Cody took his hand. ‘No doubt about it now, I’m gay,’ He thought.
As soon as Jeremy got home from school he went directly to his room and masturbated while visualizing Cody. He spewed a copious amount of semen.
“How was your first day at school?” Allen asked as they ate dinner.
“I liked it,” Jeremy admitted. “My biology teacher is going to be tough. She gave us a quiz after her lecture today.”
“How did you do on that?” Nancy asked.
“I think I answered all the questions correctly,” He said. “One of the students said that Mrs. Davis was a bitch as we were leaving class. I don’t know how Mrs. Davis heard her over the noise, but she did and called the girl back in.”
“Regardless, if she’s a bitch or not, I hope you’re never disrespectful to a teacher, Jeremy,” Allen said.
“Dad, you know me better than that,” Jeremy said. “I’ll stand up for my principals, but I’ll do it in a respectful way.”
“We know you will, Jeremy,” Nancy said. “That’s why we’re so proud of you.”
Jeremy masturbated again thinking about Cody before he went to sleep, and then again before breakfast the next morning.
Jeremy was much more anxious for school after breakfast, than the day before. This was in part because he knew what to expect, but mostly because he would see Cody the last hour in chorus. All of his classes went much as he expected. English was fun, and biology was still Mrs. Davis’ domain. “When I tell you to pay attention, I mean pay attention,” She said as she returned yesterday’s quiz. “Some of you did quite well on the quiz. However, most of you didn’t do so well. I expect that you will all pay attention in my class.”
“What did you make on your quiz?” Allison asked after class.
“I got nine out of ten correct,” Jeremy said.
“I beat you then,” She teased. “I guess I’m smarter than you are.”
“Is it okay if I join you?” Cody asked when he saw Jeremy and Allison in the cafeteria.
“Of course,” Allison answered before Jeremy could. It appeared that she and Jeremy may be in competition for more than just the highest grade in biology.
“I’m Cody,” Cody said as he sat.
“Hi Cody, I’m Allison,” She said with a very friendly smile.
‘I’m glad I don’t have a gym class with Cody,’ Jeremy thought. ‘I wouldn’t be able to hide my erection.’
“That song you were singing in choir yesterday was beautiful,” Cody said. “Allison, you should have heard it.”
“Sing it for me,” Allison pleaded.
“Not here in the cafeteria,” Jeremy said.
“Why not?” Allison asked.
“Because it is too noisy in here, and I’d be too embarrassed,” Jeremy said.
“Aw, come on and sing it for us,” Cody begged.
Fortunately for Jeremy, the first bell rang for the next class. “I’ll see you in chorus,” Cody said as they left for their respective classes.
Chorus was fun for Jeremy. Not only was he learning music, but he was enjoying being with Cody. Jeremy realized that Cody had a beautiful singing voice also.
“Jeremy, your Dad and I have meetings this evening and can’t pick you up at school,” Nancy said. “You’ll have to ride the school bus home.”
“I don’t know what bus to ride,” Jeremy said.
“I checked and it is bus number fourteen,” Nancy said. “Make sure you have your door key so you can get in the house when you get home.”
After class Cody said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Jeremy said and he began walking toward the bus loading zone.
“Are you riding the bus today?”
“Yeah, my parents both have meetings today.”
“What bus are you on?”
“No shit, so am I.”
They found seats together and Jeremy felt excitement in his hardening penis when Cody’s leg brushed against his.
“This is my house,” Cody said as the bus slowed to let him off.
“No kidding,” Jeremy said. I live the second house from you.”
Once again, Jeremy rushed to his room and masturbated thinking of Cody. He could still feel the electricity of Cody’s leg touching his. ‘If only Cody was gay,’ Jeremy thought.