By email@example.com (June 2005)
I always thought I was innocent. Everything that was even slightly off-colored made me cringe. I couldn’t stand talk about perverted things. I wouldn’t use profanity, and to this day, I still don’t, well, at least outside out of the bedroom, anyway. It was so easy to take advantage of me. Most everyone used me for something or other, less so in high school, but still enough; a borrowed pencil here, some money there, and rarely giving me back what I lent. Out of everyone, André used me the most. I always found him so frickin’ annoying, except when he was around the girl he liked, or at least, I thought he liked her. In case you can’t see what I’m getting at, lemme explain.
It wasn’t too long back, a regular Thursday, I think it was, and I was not in such a great mood. I went to the Seminar Room, since it was empty, and I didn’t really feel like being around anybody. Plus I had my history to do, and I’m distracted easily. So, I’m sitting there, right, and then André walks in. So I try to ignore him, but he doesn’t get it. I gave up concentrating, and decided to listen fully, instead of slightly and responding only with one-syllable sounds.
“Soooo, d’you have a girlfriend, Devon?” André asked while looking in the mirror, fixing his hair.
“Whoa, what?” I asked, taken aback by his bluntness.
“I’ll take that as a no, then” he said with his annoying smirk. I just chose to ignore it. So what if I didn’t have a girlfriend. It’s not his business anyway. And I have other things to worry about and focus on, like my work.
“That’s a shame, someone like you, without someone” he continued on. This struck me as odd, seeing as he’s never said something quite along those lines before, so I inquired “What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing, nothing” he nonchalantly said, exiting the room. I turned around and watched him leave. I could’ve sworn that I saw his face through the frosted glass doors wink and smile at me. Weird.
A few weeks went by without much activity, but then a Tuesday rolls around, and I find myself in the same position as the Thursday, only this time it was second period. André walks into the Seminar Room, looking first into the mirror above the hearth, then the full body mirror, both front and this time back, and then looked straight at me. He didn’t look bad, I can understand why he looked in the mirror so often; his piercing blue eyes, his muscular forearms… um, anyway, he started talking about my personal life. So this time I confronted him. “Why do you even care?”
“I like you, Devon. I’m not even going to lie about it. Why else do I bother you so much? Think about it.” He just walked out of the room. I was completely stunned by this revelation, and felt myself blushing. I always thought he liked, well, I can clearly see that I was wrong. Then I decided to take his advice and think about it. And I mean, really think about it. Well, I can’t really do anything, since it’s against my religion… but on the other hand, I dunno, he just seemed to have this power over me, to manipulate me to get me to do his biddings. I was already his “dog”, or his *beep*. There was just no denying that. Everyone thought so, and I was no exception, nor did anything to try and change that view. Oh man, I’ll never be able to pay attention to my classes now.
I dwelled on it for the rest of the day. I guess I was really in deep thought, because people kept asking me what was wrong. I couldn’t say anything about it, so instead I blushed, said “nothing” abruptly, and left the room. Guess that kinda made it worse. Can’t say that I’ve ever thought of André as anymore than what we already were; then again, I never really thought of anyone as more than the level of acquaintance that we were on, so I figured, why not start with him. Wait. Why would he like me? No, no… I’m avoiding what I set out to do in the first place. Hey Yu-Gi-Oh is on! No! Think about André! Stupid easily distracted mind! Alright, here I go, thinking about André. He’s good company, certainly nice to have around, well, most times, anyway. Not bad looking at all, no in fact, I think he’s good looking. Really good looking. The thing is, can I allow myself to like a guy? Even in general, I don’t like being touched, so how am I going to do with intimate contact with a male? For him, I guess I can give it a shot. But no one, and I mean no one, can know about this! I figured I’d better call André and let him know how I felt, so I called his cell. First it was voicemail, and I wanted to tell him directly. Besides, who knew if for some reason, someone else would check his messages? Or worse, this whole thing was just a big, mean joke that he was pulling, and if I said I liked him, he would play the message for everyone and that would be the end of it. I’d never forgive him. Slightly pushing these thoughts from my mind, I forced my trembling hand to dial his number again. This time a voice answered, but it wasn’t his, it was a girl’s voice!
“Uh…um, c-can I speak to André please?” I stammered because I was a little surprised at this new voice, and a little scared, too.
“Sorry, he’s busy right now” the unfamiliar voice snapped, putting emphasis on “busy” and hung up just like that. Now my entire body was shaking, but it wasn’t just fear this time, it was rage. Pure, raw, anger and hatred! I’ve never been this upset in my life! Now I’m usually slow on the uptake when it comes to people implying things, but this time I got it whether I wanted to or not. He tells me he likes me and then he goes with a girl! I can’t believe him. For the first time ever, I actually hated someone, and that someone was him; not even that girl who answered the phone. I decided that this whole idea was stupid, and I was angry at myself for even thinking of pursuing it.
A few days later, I was in the computer lab, checking my e-mail, doing my English, something. I don’t even remember, when André walks over to me.
“Devon, hey” he said with slight enthusiasm. I had done well ignoring him in the halls and stuff, but I couldn’t ignore him now. His presence overpowered me, somehow. I replied coldly without ever removing my eyes from the computer screen. “André”.
“I was wondering where you were, since I saw your stuff downstairs.” Then he smirked a little. I had absolutely no idea why. That got me aggravated.
“What are you smiling about?” I asked, clearly showing the anger and annoyance in my voice.
“ I was… you know… ‘your stuff downstairs’… nevermind. Did you have lunch yet?”
“Yes”, I lied.
“Well then, would you like to get together tomorrow, since it’s Saturday?” I can’t believe what he just asked! I was so flustered that I shut everything I was working on and abruptly left on the other side, so I did not have to make any further contact with him, verbal or otherwise. At first I didn’t notice, but then I realized he followed me out. He just didn’t get it, did he? We walked back to the Seminar room, which by my stroke of “luck” it was empty. André ushered me, shut the door and stood in front of it. I went over to the window, sitting on the edge and looking out.
“Leave my alone, André. I don’t want to talk to you, hear you, or even sense your overpowering presence.” I added the last part against my will, fortunately it was low enough that I don’t think heard it.
“So I’m overpowering, huh?” André mused. Man, he did hear. I blushed a little and shifted uncomfortably. He started approaching me. “Where is everybody” I wondered in my head, growing increasingly nervous.
“Do you remember what I told you a while back, about how I felt about you?” André asked while walking towards me.
“How can I forget? I couldn’t concentrate the rest of the fricking day!” I shouted. He looked stunned. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’d ever yelled at him before.
“Look,” I said with somewhat less volume and ferocity, “I thought about it, really, I did. I even called you to tell you…” Then I felt the surge of rage that I had felt the day I called. André must’ve seen it, because he stopped walking and flinched backwards when I swung my head around. By now there were tears pouring down my face. “How could you have done this?” I screamed. I wanted to keep my voice down to not attract people on the other side but my emotions were too strong; I was too overwhelmed… I couldn’t help it. “How could you tell me that you liked me and then be with some stupid girl? I knew that you could be a jerk sometimes, but this is beyond what I had ever expected.”
He seemed really confused. “What girl? Devon, what are you talking about?” I explained it through tears, but other than that, you couldn’t tell I was crying, I was a silent, composed crier.
“Oh, her. Listen, we aren’t anything. I didn’t do anything with her, I swear” André tried to defend himself. “I can’t believe that you think I would do that.”
“I didn’t really… well, I didn’t really want to, at any rate.”
“So, you’d consider doing this?”
“I’m still very unsure. But I really can’t say no to you. You just have this power over me, that whatever you want me to do, I feel I have to.”
“ Really?” André asked in a way that only he can. Then he looked like he felt bad for a second. “I’d love to take that as an open invitation, but I’d feel just slightly bad if I forced you into something that you didn’t want. But you make it so inviting…” And with that, he took the final few steps forward and kissed me. I immediately pushed him away.
“What are you doing?!?” I was freaking out. We were right n the window. Anyone could’ve looked in. anyone could’ve come from the other side and looked through the glass. “I am so far from being anywhere near feeling comfortable with this. And for anyone to know –” André cut me off with another kiss. I tried fighting it again, but I just couldn’t, so I decided to try and enjoy it. It wasn’t bad. It was rather good, actually.
We shared fleeting kisses for the next week or so, and if anyone knew, then they sure didn’t say anything. In time, though, things started getting more intense. We would meet after school, generally after fencing, when there were so few around, and do some making out. With tongue and everything. Then one day, after making out for a bit, André brought up the topic of blowjobs. Now I’ve heard of them, but give one, I was a little hesitant, to say the least. But with very little persuasion, since it was André we’re talking about here, I “decided” to give it a shot. I decided to unbutton his pants and remove his boxers, telling him that if he were to do anything, I may get too freaked out. So I unbuttoned it carefully, next zipping down his fly, very, very slowly. I looked over my shoulder repeatedly, making sure that nobody was going to see. André assured me that if he heard anything, he’d let me know. I wasn’t all that comforted, but it did help a bit. Next, I slid his boxers off his obviously straining erection. When they were around his ankles, I marveled at his beautiful member, begging to be serviced. It was a rather good length, cut, and an impressive thickness. My mouth cautiously approached it, but soon enough, the head was on the tip of my lips. André moaned slightly, so I opened my mouth as wide as I could, and engulfed it. It hit the back of my throat, causing me to gag. I immediately pulled away, needing to compose myself. I didn’t want to go back, but I had to, for André. So I took a few deep breaths, turned around and went back. This time though, I took things more slowly, waiting for my throat to adjust. Swallowing twice, I was able to get all of him in my mouth and down my throat. He moaned really loudly and bucked his hips a couple of times. I had to hold him down on the table, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able breathe. I moved my mouth up and down his shaft. I kinda enjoyed the taste, something distinctly André, not that I’ve tasted anyone else… it’s kinda hard to explain. Anyway, André was guiding my head up and down with his hands, since his hips were still pinned on the table by me (which took all my strength). He was moaning and speaking incoherently, but it had something to do with how good it felt. The blowjob was coming to an end as André screamed he was gonna cum. I was not ready to go that extra step of swallowing, or even to have it in my mouth, so I removed my mouth quickly. He got up and looked around desperately for a place to release, so we decided that in the little closet would be best. I was eager to see what it looked like when he came, so to his surprise, I took his cock in my hand and started pumping it really fast. He shot off about three loads, and turned to me with a slight look of amazement. I looked away and felt myself blush ferociously. He sorta chuckled at that, turned my head, and kissed me. When my tongue entered his mouth, I tasted something there that wasn’t there before. I can’t really describe the flavor, but its texture was somewhat slimy. I was grossed out for a second, then realized that it wasn’t all that bad. Turns out that when I hadn’t been looking, he had licked off some cum from the side of his hand so he could give me a taste. He pulled his head back and looked at me suggestively. I had absolutely no idea what he had in mind, that is, until I saw his hand going towards my crotch. I wanted him to so badly, and yet at the time, I didn’t want feel like being touched that intimately. My cell phone went off. It was my Daddy. He was waiting for me. André and I kissed once more and we left the room together. Perhaps next time I wouldn’t mind- no, scratch that- next time, I’m sure I’ll be ready.
I was right. Two days later, after fencing, I went straight to the Seminar Room, where André was already waiting, and he had a pretty large grin on his face. “So, where were we last time?” André asked his smile growing, along with the bulge in his pants. I couldn’t help smile back, with a growing mound in my pants as well. Fortunately, I hadn’t changed out of shorts, so it wasn’t as noticeable. Besides, it would’ve left a mess in my jeans, that wouldn’t have only felt sticky, but would’ve been that way to explain, too. I walked right up to him, and we kissed, not wasting much time. Since our last meet, and yesterday, during school, André found little ways here and there to boost my confidence, whether it was with cell phone messages about how great I was, or unobvious-to-the-public little touches throughout the day. I felt so ready, I could’ve practically done anything. But I wasn’t about to tell André here, otherwise he may have tested that. I think he certainly noticed a change, though. While our tongues were wrestling, André moved his hand down my back and then around to my front. He had never done anything like this. I didn’t quite know how to react, but it felt too good for me to be upset. He slowly moved his hand down into my roomy shorts and tight feeling boxers, making sure I was okay with what he was doing. I elicited a moan involuntary, because the feelings were so intensely good. He pulled back and asked pointlessly “feels good doesn’t it?” I couldn’t get a coherent answer out, so I just nodded. Slowly, but with a constant rhythm and firm grasp, he jerked me off. I was approaching my climax rather quickly, unfortunately, and I informed him. Instead of removing his hand, he jerked harder and faster. I was trying so hard to hold back, but could no longer, and so shot off my load, or two, I’m not quite sure, I couldn’t concentrate on counting, there was just too much pleasure. I moaned really loud too. I didn’t mean to. Both of my shorts were drenched, which I had fully expected. But what I didn’t expect was André to remove his cum-covered hand and clean it off, finger by finger, with his tongue. When he had finished, he looked at me, licking his lips. I must’ve had the oddest expression on my face, because he leaned over and whispered into my ear “yummy” and then nipped my earlobe. When we were face to face again, he just laughed, somewhat shaking his head. “We had better get you cleaned up, before you have to go home. My head was still somewhere in the clouds, so he had to guide me towards the bathroom. I had to put my jeans on without any underwear. It felt so weird, but I had to grin and bear it, lest I be asked questions. That would be a lot more uncomfortable.
There was a four day weekend coming up, for some reason or other, and André and I had planned to get some use out of it. Neither of us had a large homework load, which was rare. We were going to meet up at his place while his parents were at work on Tuesday. I didn’t know what to expect, then again, I never did when it came to this area. But the long awaited day finally came. I couldn’t wait until we were there in his room… I was getting aroused just thinking about it. I rang the bell and André greeted me in little more than a pair of shorts and a smile. Something told me that he had planned it like that, and based on the reaction he got from me, I’d say that it was a success. He closed the door quickly and dragged me to his room and shut that door just as quickly. His extreme desire was infectious, and as soon as the door was closed, we moved into each other kissing with need and lust and passion. He guided me back to his bed where he lay on top of me, still kissing me. The weight was there but not unbearable. I rather liked the feel of him on top of me, it was rather secure. Before we could go any further, I removed my Speed Racer shirt and jeans, leaving nothing but a pair of fitting boxers on. André looked me over twice with hungry eyes and then lunged for me. We kissed again, this time with my body up to the wall. The feelings were intense. We broke apart and André instructed me to sit down.
“I know we haven’t been together for a long time or anything, but I want to take our relationship to the next level. I want us to fuck, more than anything.” André said with all seriousness. I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready, but with André leading, I had nothing to be afraid of, except you know, the pain of the penetration, my feeling of loss if this doesn’t work out… but it would be okay if André said so. I looked up at him questioningly. He stroked my head and reassured me. I was totally clueless. I had no idea of what to do. “Don’t worry, I’ll guide you through this. He lay me down on the bed and gently removed my boxers, leaving me for him to see all, and at his complete control. He quickly got up himself and stripped down to what he was born with. This was the first time I had seen him completely naked. It was quite a sight. All those fitness classes did have an effect. He went over to a drawer and pulled out a condom and a small sample packet of lube. He slid the condom on and placed some more lube on the already lubricated condom, to be on the safe side, I assumed. He walked over with the lube still in his hand. He pushed my legs back, getting a better angle to my… um… hole. “Wrap your legs around mw waist for a moment.” I did as I was told, of course. He applied a dollop of lube onto his fingers and applied it to the entrance. It was cold at first, causing me to emit a gasp and squeeze my legs around him even tighter. As he rubbed it in, though, it got warmer and warmer, and felt really good. He finished the packet and threw it on the floor. Right now, he had something else in mind. Leaning forward, he bent over me and kissed me deeply. As he did, he slid himself into me. It hurt!! I yelled out, but his mouth was over mine, muffling the sound a bit. He waited until I calmed down a bit and then pushed in a bit further with a moan. Even with the pauses, it wasn’t long until he was in fully. Resting at the hilt for a moment, he started to pull out. Right before he came out completely, he slowly pushed back in. There was no longer any pain, only phenomenal feelings. “Fuck! Devon, you feel so good!” he managed to get out between moans. I could only mumble and spew out incoherent moans and groans in my appreciation. He was still going slowly, but I could tell he was holding back. Every stroke took so much energy to restrain himself from completely banging my brains out. I wanted him to get as much pleasure as I was, but I was still scared. Maybe next time, though. He shifted his angle slightly and hit something in me that drove me crazy! Every time he moved now, it kept hitting that spot. It pushed me towards my climax faster than I had expected. “Fuck! André! I gonna cum!” Before I had even realized what I had said, I was shooting the largest load in my life all over the both of us. That must have set him off, because he started breathing heavier and moaning more loudly, and then that was it. I have no idea how many times he shot off. He lay on top of me, despite the mess, and kissed me. He slowly slid out of me and then he moved next to me on the bed. We just lay there for a while and then he started to laugh a little. I turn towards him in order to inquire.
“What’s so funny?”
“I was so good, that I made you swear” he said smugly. I had no idea! I had no control over what I had said. I felt so bad.
“well then, you must’ve been pretty amazing, cause I couldn’t help it. He looked over at me and smiled. “We should probably get showered and dressed.”
We stayed together for quite some time, doing things like we always had. Nobody ever found out about us, although I have a feeling that some people had their suspicions. And besides, ever since Jake and Darrien have been a public couple, well, our grade is ready for anything. But those are stories for another time.
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