Part IV - Truth and Dare
"Your worst enemies are truth and love.
They both catch you unprepaired!"
(The Yellow Book Of Fear)
So, I was standing there only in my boxers - my skin dripping with sweat from both exhaustion and excitement, a raven clenched in my fist so fiercely tight that I almost smashed his fucking little bones – when the dorm door flew open and Tiffany and Darryl came in.
“Geez, Justin... hehehe... are you making a movie or something?” Tiffany, tactful as always, threw me an amused grin, whereas Darryl tried to maintain a casual expression. Needless to say that his lips trembled with excitement.
"I, uhm... I mean, I just..." God this was SO not comfortable!. How do you explain standing in your room practically naked, trying to kill a bird???
My face was turning red, I could physically feel myself blushing.
"I guess, I'll better drop by again, tonight." Tiffany said left the room - not without giving me a last suppressed giggle on her way out, of course.
The door closed, and the slight breeze that it caused softly tickled my naked chest. I lifted my head as if I had just realised that Darryll was here, and my face must have looked as strange and alerting as I felt inside, because Darryll's grin instantly faded into puzzlement and concern.
"Justin...?" He carefully asked and took a step closer.
I must have loosened my grip on the raven when my tears set in, and when it gave a loud and fierce cry, I was surprised and shocked enough to suddenly open my hand completely. A bush of little black feathers flew up before my face as it zoared through the open window and vanished into the sunlight.
His arms caught my me in a tight hug, and the dam broke the second my face hit his shoulder.
Some deep breaths and a cup of Darryll’s special „feelgood coffee“ later, I had recovered enough to give him a warm smile.
„Darryll...“ I started, „I can’t really thank you enough for everything you’re doing for me. I...“
„It’s ok, Jus.“ He cut me off in a soft voice. „Really, it is. I wouldn’t be there for you if I didn’t want to, you know.“
„Yeah, but.... I don’t know, I just feel like I’m not really... myself since I’m here. I mean, there’s been so much going on lately, like Danny and that... that Raven... I just don’t think that...“ Every single muscle in my body seemed to soften with the sigh I let out.
„Look, Justin, I don’t mean to be curious – really, I don’t – but... don’t you wanna tell me what’s the deal with that raven, anyway?“
„What do you mean? What deal?“ Of course, I knew exactly what he meant. But no matter how much I had really started to trust him, I just couldn’t help but asking myself if he would be able to believe me.
„Well...“ he started, „All I know is that when Tiffany and I came in, you stood there in your briefs with that raven in your hand. Now, don’t get this the wrong way, but you looked so... hurt, somehow. And there was something in your eyes that...“ He lifted his right hand and carefully brought it up to carefully touch my cheek. His eyes connected to mine, and their endlessly deep blue finished the sentence that his soft and sweet lips left uncontinued. The warm breeze of his fingers slowly sliding down my neck and to my shoulder made me breathe harder, and I almost feared that the uncontrollable speeding of my heartbeat was pumping hard enough to be shown in the vibrating of my still naked chest. I always thought that that metaphor about the world around you, like, “fading” away, but the exact thing was happening to me right now. We were still sitting on my bed, our faces so close before one another that I could almost taste the warmth of his breath on my lips. Oh god, how I wished that he wouldn’t back away this time!
And he didn’t. I couldn’t say how long it took us to finally do it, but when I felt our lips and tongues uniting, everything else suddenly lost its importance. There was only Darryll and me and this moment – this sweet, exciting and (I had to admit that one to myself) also arousing moment that we seemed to share in some parallel reality, in which we were the only population of a whole planet of unstoppably growing pleasure and deepest intimacy.
“You know, Justin...” he breathlessly whispered, “That’s what I’ve been phantasizing about all the time.”
He closed my lips with a passionate kiss before I was had the chance to tell him how much i, too, had longed to kiss him. My hands unbuttoned his shirt while our tongues tentatively explored each other, and the next time I was able to concentrate on anything else than the smell of CK One on his skin, we were both naked, lying, no, almost swaying on the bed in a tight emrace that took my breath away and filled my lungs with all the love and desire of the world instead.
“Oh Darryll...” I whispered when I felt him covering my smooth, hairless chest with kisses that seemed to brand my skin with his presence. The soft tickle of his tongue lowering down to my belly button made me press my whole body up against him with lust, and when his sweet lips finally closed around their aim, it felt like I should be fighting the waves that washed from my groin up through my whole body, in order not to faint.
He stood at our dorm window, looking out at the already darkening sky when I woke up and reluctantly opened my eyes. We had both slept for the last couple of hours, totally exhausted from the sexual encounter we had just had.
“Hey.” I said, softly.
But he didn’t answer.
In the twilight, the silhouette of his still naked body was hardly more than some far away fata morgana, and he made no move, from which to tell if he had heard me or not. The CD player, which he must have started while I had still be sleeping, played some rough Eminem tune, and I slowly crept out of bed, walked over and carefully wrapped my arms around him from behind. Even his skin felt some kind of far away. It was cold and smooth, and touching it felt unpersonal and strangely distant.
“’s everything okay?” I quietly asked him.
“Sure.” His voice was stern and icy, and its darkly sarcastic undertone hit me totally unprepared. “Everything’s just fine!”
“What?!” He quickly turned around and looked directly me. His eye lids slighty shivered, but the superior look on his face caused a slight squeeze in my stomach.
“Yeah, right.” The sharp irony with which he cut me off made me lower my head in disappointment. “We fucked, at last. So?!?”
What the hell was happening here? Was that the same Darryll who had so sensatively and caringly helped me through all that had happened? The same guy who had practically built me up again after Danny had died?
„What do you...“ I weekly started again. I was completely speechless. His lower lip trembled slightly, and when he cut me off his voice sounded strangely controlled.
„What I mean?“ He gave me a short but harsh laugh. I could have imagined it, but somehow it sounded empty and just a little too high pitched. „Isn’t that obvious? You got it up the ass. Aren’t you supposed to be like that, fag boy?!?“
„No...“ My head was shaking in disbelieve, and just for a second, I had to close my eyes to the cold and stinging pain that drove through my very heart like a stake. Whatever was going on here – I didn’t understand a single word of it. We had known each other for several weeks now, and Darryl had always been so kind and sweet and... loving, somehow. That didn’t make any sense. How could he just stand there and say what he just said? And why? Only a few hours ago, he had been the most tender and sensitive boy in the world. How could he do this to me? How could he???
I took a step in his direction and stretched out my hand to touch one of his folded arms. I know that it must sound strange, but somehow I hoped that he would come to his senses and that everything would be alright again if he could only feel my touch. He did response, allright, but it wasn’t really the response I had hoped for. His eyes closed for about a second, and he drew a deep, sharp breath. When he opened them up again, I realized that their hard and empty look was shimmering with tears now. Of course, I still did not know what was wrong with him, but a tiny spark of hope made me feel like maybe I was somehow getting through to him, here.
„I... I really like you a lot, Darryl. Please tell me what’s wrong. Please?“ I brought my hand up to his cheek to carefully touch it and whipe away the tears that were released from the corners of his eyes by now. He closed them again. A slight vibration of his cold but smooth skin finally turned into suppressed sobs, when I slowly bent over to place a kiss on his trembling lips. He did not kiss me back, nor did he release his arms that were still folded in front of his chest. His lips felt as if they were on high voltage, mixed with the salty taste of his now openly flowing tears.
„You have to talk to me.“ I whispered, hardly able to suppress my own sobs. „You HAVE to.“
I was much too deranged to realize him gripping my upper arms, and before I knew what happened, he fiercely jerked me away from him. My right leg painfully hit the bed frame, and I fell back on the bed, unable to protect myself from the fall.
„I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING, JUSTIN!!!“ he yelled. His voice was high-pitched and almost overturning, but fierce and determined enough for my heart to fasten its beating.
When I looked up at him again, his eyes were squeezed shut, and he looked as if he was fighting his own tears that obviously threatened to finally take over. His lips were shaking with effort as he drew in a deep breath – alsomost inhaled, actually – and opened his eyes again. The cold and hateful glace that he had managed to maintain, bore stakes of fear right into my very soul, and, no matter how hard I tried, I could not help just lying there. Petrified. Unable to move.
„Just... fucking... leave...“ He hoarsely said.
„But...“ I stammered, completely confused.
„Go. Now.“ He repeated in a tone that almost sounded hurt and regretful. „I’m sorry, Justin.“
I wanted to talk to him. I really did. But he turned away again and continued his stare out of our dorm window and into the night, and I knew that there would be no use at all in trying to get anything out of him right now.
Slowly and somehow eager to move as quiet as I could, I got up from the bed and started to get dressed. It was already dark outside, and I did not know where to go, yet. A quick glace at my watch told me that it was almost 8 pm, and the only place I could think of right now was the college‘s cafeteria. I put on my shirt on the way out and slowly stepped into the dark hallway. No matter what was wrong with him, I really hoped that Darryl would be willing to talk to me when I got back. He had to!!!
My mind kept wandering back and forth, reliving the afternoon I had spent with Darryl. Our soft kiss. The sex.... And, of course, his strange and cold behaviour afterwards. Why did he say what he did back then? Did he try to hurt my on purpose? “I’m sorry, Justin” had been his last words. But what was he sorry for? Why did he treat me like that if it was something that he felt “sorry” for? Had I done something wrong? Maybe I had said something that hurt him?
A fierce blow reminded me of upcoming autumn, and I instantly regretted that I had left our dorm without a jacket. Leaves circled the cold air around me, and the dull sound of the shaking trees made me speed up, wishing to get out of this scary-movie-scenario as quick as possible. I needed warmth. I needed people around me. But most of all, I needed something to drink. Lots of it, actually.
The lights of the cafeteria already warmly invited me from afar and tonight, even the notice at the entrance couldn’t hold me back: “Karaoke Night – your 3.5 minutes of fame”. But what the fuck... It was far too cold to head back for the dorm now, and the option of meeting Darryll there wasn’t too cheery, either. So, I walked in, made the fast way to the bar and ordered a “Long Island Iced Tea” from that 3rd grade cutie behind it.
The cafeteria was crowded as I had never seen it before, and I wondered if all those folks just didn’t do lunch or if there were just a lot of non-Hoverton guys from the village here tonight. Anyway, I took a big first gulp from my glass and half emptied it. My head already gave a slight squirm, and it felt the alcoholic warmth streaming into my blood and starting to circulate through my veins. Even if tonight wasn’t going to be a party... there sure as hell wouldn’t be any Darryll, Danny, Ravens or heavy thoughts, either. Just me. And alcohol. And numbness. Absolutely!
Only 2 hours later, I found myself lying on wet grass. My face... my clothes... everything was soaked with rain, and the firce, cold wind stung on the naked skin of my hands, my face and my chest... basically...
What the hell was I doing here? And where was I, anyway? Fuck... I knew that getting drunk with an empty stomach had probably not been such a good idea, but, hey... could you really remember THAT few from what happened after just 3 or (maybe) 4 Long Islands? Not that I had that much of experience on that field, but I was pretty sure that at Danny's last birthday party, I'd had a LOT more alcohol... in fact, I had suffered like hell... but even now, I definitely remembered a lot more than the fragmented and somehow shaded little bits that appeared to have been the last – I took a short but painful look at my watch´- 2 hours...
Sigh... and there he...
... was, again, kicking the door wide open with one foot while blancing a bottle of red wine with one and a 3-armed candlestick with the other hand. The warm light of the already burning candles made his soft and smooth skin look a little bit like a bronze statue and that openly loving and boyish grin of his almost made me blush. Carefully, he put the candlestick and the wine down on the nightstand and then slowly crawled on the bed, kneeled over me and playfully pinned my wrists to the matress above my head.
“You know...” he almost whispered, his face now only inches from mine. “... this is the best birthday I ever had. Ever!”
Our lips touched almost accidentally, and the sensation of his hands slowly running down my arms washed over and electrified me.
“Yeah...” I answered, almost purring like a kitten, “and it's SO not bad to have an uncle who owns a cabin like this one! No parents, no disturbance... just you and me and... uh... maybe just a little too much to drink...”
He giggled. Of course he did. After all, he'd had about the same “wine level” as me, and obviously, he was pretty drunk, too.
“Justin...?” he asked, carefully.
“You... you'd never hurt me, would you?”
I felt a slight squeeze in my stomach. How on earth could he even ask me something like that?
“No, Danny.” I answered, gently placing a kiss on his lips. “I love you, and I would never leave you. Not for ANYone in the world! I promise!”
"That's not what I meant." He hesitantly whispered. "You'd never actually... HARM me... Would you?"
I felt my eyes fill with tears, and the shiver that painfully crept down my spine instantly covered my whole body with goosepumps. I pulled him into the tightest hug I was capable of and carefully stroked his beautiful blond hair.
"No, Danny." My reply was soft but determined. "I will never ever harm you, sweety!"
Minutes passed in silence and slowly, I felt his muscles relax and his breath on my naked chest calm down to a regular breeze. I was just about to doze off myself when I felt the wet spot between his cheek and my naked skin.
"Yes, you will." he silently sobbed. "But I love you, anyway..."
Thanks to all the wine at the party, sleep overcame me even before I could wonder about what he could have meant. The only thing I pretty much knew was that I probably wouldn't remember this conversation in the morning.
Some hours later,...
... my eyes suddenly flew open again and, to my surprise, the pain that electrified my body as I lifted my torso and rose up to my elbows wasn't as bad as I had feared it to be.
The rain shaded my view, but when I pinched my eyes to focus on where I was, I could clearly make out a shadow that was quickly moving in my direction. Whoever that was, he had to be running straight towards me, because he (or she) was getting closer by the second. I knew perfectly well that, in my present state, I was easy prey for whoever might have felt like attacking me. Every muscle in my wasted and worn out body clenched painfully tight at the thought of having to defend myself against that ever nearer coming stranger. I had experienced so much pain... so many nightmares... so much of the most unspeakable evil in those last few weeks that the mere sight of some stranger running towards me on a rainy night like this - out here in the middle of fucking nowhere - didn't exactly lead my mind to any option I would normally have sat and waited for. But unfortunately, I was in no condition to chose, now, was I?
I heard the wet sound of the fierce rain, that kept relentlessly falling on the grass around me, mix with the heavy going breath of the stranger who had now come to an exhausted halt about 5 meters away from where I was lying, still paralyzed and too scared to move a single inch. He bent forwards and placed his hands on his knees. Obviously, he (because from the masculine figure of his somewhat nearer shadow I knew now that it had to be male) was trying to regain the breath he had spent on his run to where I was lying in the grass.
"Hey... Are you okay?" I heard him asking me, breathless but nevertheless concerned. His voice would have sounded familiar to me if that sharp, stinging pain in my bones had not lamed my senses, I guess.
I was as okay as you could be after finding yourself lying outside in the middle of a rainstorm, and I was going to tell him. But before I even had the chance, lightning struck full force. Twice, to be precise. At first, there was the natural one, setting the whole scenery aglow with its ghostly bright light for about half a second, tops. But it was long enough for me to see his face... and for the second lightning to strike! It hit me the very second our eyes connected, and the shock on his face told me that he got struck, too.
"Justin...?" He disbelievingly sobbed, and from the shaking of his voice I could clearly visualize the sight of his bright blue eyes slowly filling with tears. After all, I had seen those tears before.
Somehow, I managed to get up, determined to ignore the almost unbearable pain that set every bone in my worn out body on fire. I took a few steps in his direction and reached up with my right hand to softly touch his cheek. The vibration of his suppressed sobs made me pull him into my arms instinctively, and finally, I held him tight enough to absorb and share his shaking completely. I gave him all the time he needed to helplessly cry on my shoulder, before I carefully took his hand and we both walked through the park back towards Hoverton College without saying a word.
"... and then he told me how sorry he was that the doctors didn't succeed in bringing you back." I finished my side of the story. Of course, I left out most of the strange and mysterious parts. After all, I didn't want to scare him off or - which would have been even worse - to make him think that I had gone totally insane over my loss of him.
We lay on my bed in Darryl's and my dorm, both of us in our boxers and tightly cuddled arm in arm under the sheets in order to warm up. Fortunately, Darryl had been gone when we arrived. All his clothes and personal things had been removed from the room, too, so that it was pretty obvious that he had left for good after that nasty scene some hours ago. But right now, I couldn't have cared less. The only important thing was that Danny was back. My sweet, adorable Danny for whose loss I had cried and suffered all through the past few weeks!
"And that's it?" he asked me, his eyes pinched in slight disbelieve. "That's really all you know about what's going on here?"
"Well... pretty much, yeah..." I hesitated. How much could I tell him without risking to freak him out? How much could he take? "The rest is kinda..."
"... weird?" he finished my sentence.
"That's it, yeah... weird..." I nodded my head, carefully, trying to make it sound as casual as possible. "Though actually, I'm pretty sure that 'weird' doesn't even begin to cover it."
"I guess I know what you mean." he quietly answered, a shadow of sadness suddenly darkening his beautiful face.
So, I made up my mind and finally told him all the mysterious and horrifying rest. I told him about my visions of him warning me to keep away from „them“, about the speaking raven... and, of course, I also told him about the night I had watched him die and how Darryl had asked me that one question, that whirled through my head again once more, now that what he had offered me back then had came true.
Of course, I didn't really expect Danny to believe all that I had told him. I mean, how could ANYone believe a story like mine?
He didn't show any reaction at all - except from a glance of sadness that had become more and more visible in the run of my story. Somehow, I was relieved that at least, I didn't have to look into his eyes while I told him. I was sitting upright in my bed, now, with my back leaned against the dorm wall behind it and Danny lying in my arms before me, the back of his head gently resting on my chest.
He took a deep breath.
"Well..." he started, "seems like I know a whole deal more about all this than you do."
He slowly lifted himself from off my chest and faced me with an expression of serious concern. The blue colour of his eyes seemed to be brighter than I had ever seen it before, probably from the still invisible tears he would soon be crying. After what must have been more than a minute of facing each other silently, he finally bent forward to kiss my lips. It was the softest kiss I had ever experienced, hardly more than a warm breeze rushing by my face, but yet powerfull enough to make emotinal waves splash the shores of my very soul about which I had almost forgotten over the last few weeks. God, how I loved him... his eyes... his smile... in fact, I even loved those deep curves that always spread around his cute, pouty mouth when he was mad at someone... And even when I looked at him right now - all worn out, exhausted and obviously even thinner than when Darryl and I had found him dead in the roses of Hoverton Park - I realized that he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. Carefully, I brushed his soft cheek with my right hand and watched his eyes close and his head smoothly sway into my touch, somehow absorbing every inch of it.
And that was when I realized the first tear flowing down his face - the first of many more to come, tonight.
"Please, Justin..." he hoarsely whispered, his voice ready to break any second, now. „Please don't hate me for what I'm going to tell you now.“
... to be continued
Hey guys, I finally did it! *throws-a-big-party*
"Generation V - Part IV: Truth and Dare",
complete and uncensored, at last... ;-)
Actually, I'm already working my hardest at the next chapter.
Be prepared for the terrifying truth about Danny's return,
for Darryl's next move and, of course,
for an ancient prophecy that's killing for being fulfilled..
Look out for
"Generation V: part V - The Brotherhood"
Stay excited, stay stunned...
... BUT STAY AT HOVERTON COLLEGE!
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