We were the last to arrive for Christmas at grandma and every one was complaining. Dad told them about the shop and how is the sale at Christmas time. Grandma and the elders were sad because it was the first Christmas without grandma. I looked for Frank and saw he was looking at me and Luke time to time. His cheeks were swollen and when he shook hands with me, he pressed it more than needed and caused me pain. For answer I tripped him when he was going to shook hands with dad. He fell on dad and his hand poked dad on stomach. Uncle yelled at him and called him useless. I was satisfied with this and saw Luke was hiding his smile.
I was looking for my bag because I want to change my clothes. Mom said Luke had it and asked him where it was. Luke said he took it to the room and told me to follow him. I had to follow him and when we were in the room he closed the door and bolted it.
“Why did you bolt the door?” I asked?
“Because you need privacy for change your clothes.” He said coolly.
“Then why do you staying?”
“I wouldn’t look.” He promised. His face was firm and he sat on the chair looking opposite of me.
I know he wouldn’t go so, I removed my jeans and shirt quickly and put on my half trouser and T shirt. Then I walked to the door and stopped a moment.
“Is this is your room?” I asked.
“Yes, “he smiled. “This is my room and Frank is staying with me.”
My heart ached. What I thought was true.
“If you want share with us, you’re welcome.” He invited.
“No, thanks…. I’m not staying with you.” I informed him and opened the door.
He laughed. “No problem. I have Frank.”
I punished the floor for this and went to the garden outside. Nobody was in the garden so I sat on the lawn and cried. This is so pathetic. I was looking for the Christmas and it turned out to this. I got angry to angrier. I saw Luke is coming with Frank and I hide the other side behind some plants.
They are talking about Christmas coming after two days.
“What you got for me?” Frank was asking.
“You will get it on Christmas day.” Luke answered. “It’s not to tell but I can say it is something special.”
“I got something special for you too…” Frank was beaming.
Suddenly I remembered my present for Frank. It was only a pen set for him and not something special. Dad was critical for presents and he told it would be something for daily use. Not any fancy items. So, I bought a pen set for him and another for Chris. Oh god..!
“You didn’t come last night as you promised. I was waiting. ” Frank was accusing Luke. I sharpened my ears.
“I was tired and asleep before I knew.” Luke said. “And there is other nights coming.”
“Josh is here and he will be with me.” Frank said. But he is no problem. He is a sleepy head.’
“Yeah” Luke agreed.
So, they are planning for the night. I want to cry loud. They are having their act and I would be the spectator for their show. But it wouldn’t happen. I determined. I will not sleep in Frank’s room or Luke’s. But why Luke is sleeping another room? May be they wouldn’t want to raise some doubts.
“You can shift to my room today. I wouldn’t disturb you.” Frank told.
“No. I want by myself and need quietness when I’m studying.” Luke said. “Also your room is facing the street and I can't focus on my study. My room is the other side and the end of house. Nothing will disturb me and no one is staying the nearby rooms.”
Frank laughed and said something which I didn’t hear. Luke promised him he would visit him after midnight when everyone is asleep. I sat there eavesdrop them and made some plans. I want to be awake and see everything and then I would write Luke a letter after the Christmas and would tell him what I see earlier and now and wouldn’t or didn’t believe him and his fake love. He can have Frank and I’m leaving. So be it! And I will never speak him again.
Later when Luke tries to speak, I avoided him. When we cousins were sitting in the garden and speaking about days I told them about Chris. Luke was there and was listening. I was talking about Chris.
“Chris is my best friend I had ever got, “I told them. “He is best because he never lied to me or hides something from me.”
“How did you know that?” Elise, one of twins asked.
“Because he told me everything about him and what happened in his life. He was saying that friends need to open their minds to each other and shouldn’t hide anything”
“It’s true. Best friends are always doing that.” Alice, another twin agreed.
“But someone is not like him.” I had growing horns on my head. “They are saying how much they like us and love us but always are hiding something and pretending to us. Even we are cousins.”
Everyone looked Luke and he was looking at the sky. He was smiling.
“Someone have to be like that.” Luke said playfully. “Everyone can’t be like Chris. They have to hide something.”
“Luke is not like that.” Frank said suddenly. “I know.”
I bite my tongue because I’m going to say something nastily.
“What’s got into you two..? Emily asked and looks me and Luke. “You two are writing letters and Josh is happy to see you Luke until you called. And when he sees you at station he is not speaking to you.”
I saw Frank’s face darkened at this information. Thanks to my sister.
“Because I lied to him I’m coming two days after.” Luke said. “He is a baby and babies got a right to be devil, Emily.” My sister laughed at this.
“I know how to make angels from devils.” Luke said mischievously.
I turned from him and start speaking with my other cousins except Frank. We didn’t talk whole the time when I was here for the Christmas.
After dinner we were sitting in the main hall. Everyone is saying goodnight and leaving for their room to sleep. Grandma had left us early and us and uncle with Frank and Luke were sitting and talking. Emily said goodnight and went to her room. I yawned and dad told me to go and sleep. Luke gets up from the sofa and took my hand,
“Come, little baby... I’ll take you to the room.” He said to me.
I want to pull my hand but everyone was there so I obeyed him. I look Frank and saw his face darkening. He carried me to his shoulder and walked to the stairs. When we were away from others I hissed;
“I can walk…” I hissed to his ears.
“I know, but I want to carry you…” he said jokingly.
He didn’t go to Frank’s room but the other end. I struggled.
“I’m not sleeping in your room.” I objected, “I’ll disturb you.”
“Oh...yes... you are...” he stopped. “So, you hear us in the garden.”
I was silent. But I struggled to free. He reached his room and opened the door. Entering with me still in his shoulder struggling, he closed the door with a kick and locked it from inside. I was start to hitting him with my hands and legs. He laid me to his bed on my back and he was lying on top of me. He pinned my struggling legs and hands with his. He is pinning me to the bed.
“Get off from me or I’ll yell” I threatened him
“You can yell how much you want. Nobody will hear you.” He smiled; “This is an old house. No one will hear you from a closed room.”
So, I shut my mouth and lay still under him. I was enjoying the warmth coming from him and it felt good. He was lying on top of me and his breath tickled my cheeks. He brushed his chin on my cheeks and the thorn like beards tickled me. I struggled and he forced his body on me.
“I can't breathe….” I complained.
“If you promise you will not struggle I’ll release” he said.
“I promise…” I said.
He released his pinning me and slipped to the floor. He looked down to me and winked. I was not struggling. He straightened the wrinkled sheets on the bed and took a thick blanket. It was winter and the weather was cold. I was looking him. I was happy after the little play I had played and together with Luke alone. We can speak the things like we wrote to each other and no one would hear.
“You are not going to Frank?” I asked.
“No… I lied to him...” he said. “I want to be with my little baby so I selected this room and told him I want to study.”
“I will disturb you...” I said playfully.
“You are welcome.” He went to the switch and turned off the light the turn on the low voltage bulb. He unbuckled his belt and removed it from his waist then removed his shirt and hanged it on the wall. He was starting to undress him but stopped and came near the bed lay beside me. He was shy to undress himself in front of me.
“You were sleeping in your underwear then.” I told him.
“Not today…” he said.
He pulled the blanket over us and turned to me and crossing his right hand over my chest pulled me to him.
“It’s cold out side.” He said. I didn’t say anything. We were silent. I turned to him and put my left hand under his arm and hugged him. He resisted for one moment then his hand pressed me to him. We are facing each other and looking into each others eyes.
“You know my little baby….” Luke said softly, I first saw you when uncle brought you here and you were one month old… I was very proud and carrying you wherever I was going and you liked it. If I left you for one minute you would cry. Your eyes were following me and you liked to sleep with me even you are very little. You would tight your little fingers on my tummy and sleep. I was very happy having a little brother to pet and still I’m. Frank was very jealous of you because you are like an angel….”
He stops his whispering and softly kissed my forehead. I felt the softness toughing on my thighs is hardening. He took a deep breath and turned on his back setting his head on his arms. He was embarrassed for his untimely hardening. I raise my head and set my cheek on his hairy chest. My hand was resting on his stomach and my fingers curled the hair.
“When you were a little grown you are sleeping with me like this ….” He sighed.
“Then you hadn’t got any hairs on your body.” I stated. We smiled.
He freed his left hand under his head and wrapped around me patting softly. We were both shy and he was afraid to make a move. We were silent for some minutes then someone knocked the door. We startled at the sound and looked each other.
Luke’s hand left me and he gets up from the bed to the floor and stood. I saw his huge bulge in front of him and he was blushing at I had seen his erection. He shrugged and walked to the door. On the way he opened book that was on the table and switch on the light then opened the door…
“Frank….! It’s you?” I heard him asking. Frank? What’s he want?
“What are you doing?” Frank asked as he gets in the room.
“Reading.” Luke replied and he was angry for the interruption. “What are you doing here now?”
“I was waiting for you and I was worried…” he said and saw me lying on the bed. “What’s he doing here in your bed?” he looked at me as he wants to murder me.
“Sleeping...” Luke got angrier. “He doesn’t like to sleep in your room. So he is staying with me.”
“But you were saying I would disturb you. No he is….” Frank was miserable.
“Not he… “Luke interrupted him. “Now you go… I want to read some more…”
Frank turned to go and Luke followed him to the door. Frank looked at him expectedly and Luke shook his head, “You go and sleep. I’m not coming…”
Luke locked the door and turned off the light then return to the bed. The bulge he had was gone. He sighed and climb beside me on the bed.
“Why didn’t you go with him?” I asked.
“I can't leave you here alone…” he replied. “And I don’t want to go.”
Luke was lying on his back and starred the ceiling. I rose and pulled the blanket over us. I slipped close to him because of the cold.
“Cold…?” Luke asked and then turned to me. He embraced me with his right arm and pressed me to him. I wrapped my hand around him. We were facing each other and our breaths mingled. He was looking into my eyes and closed them. Moments passed and we were silent. Luke was stroking my back softly. We both know we weren’t sleeping.
“Baby…” Luke whispered.
“Ummmmmm…..” I answered.
“You had seen me and Frank then.” He said and I didn’t say anything.
“That night… I know you are not sleeping….and you saw what we did…” Luke continued... “What you had seen was not love…only lust… Frank didn’t like you and want to win me over you…. I know this and I used him cruelly…. I don’t love him baby…”
I was silent because I know Luke hadn’t finished.
“I have to tell you this ….. I liked and loved my little baby brother…. Years passed and it grows with me …..” Luke was whispering... ”I didn’t knew I’m in love with my little baby…..I’m afraid to tell you but I want you know…. I love you…baby…”
“I know…this for a long time…” I whispered and stroked his back.
“We can't tell anyone…” Luke sighed. “They wouldn’t understand us….”
I nodded. He kissed my lips and suddenly we were shy because we had opened our minds to each other.
“We will sleep now.” Luke smiled.
“Yes...” I said.
We were in each others arms and tightened our hug and waited for sleep to come.