I don't feel any shame
I won't apologize
When there ain't nowhere you can go
Running away from pain
When you've been victimized
Tales from another broken home
From "Jesus of Suburbia" By Green Day.
10:00 the alarm clock flashed the red digits in my eyes. I brushed my long streaky black and blond hair back from my face. I was just waking from another nights sleep. I had started sleeping well for the first time in a year. It was the kind of sleep that came with acceptance. I had finally accepted who I was, a gay kid. A year of denying it had taken its toll but I was still young and had plenty of time to recover and grow to like myself again. At 12 I had first started dreaming of different kids in my class and got off on it. I had spent of the rest of the year trying to stop myself before finally deciding to be who I was meant to be.
I should probably get around to introducing myself. Hi I'm Riley. I live in San Diego, California with my Mam, and my Mam's asshole boyfriend Chris. I'm yet another victim of a broken home. I never knew my Dad and Chris hardly compensated for that except for his passion for kicking the crap out of me when my Mam wasn't around, which was a lot cuz she had problems. She drank...Ok she was a complete drunk. I don't like to admit that but it's the truth. So I spent most of my time out of the house or locked in my room. I was the quintessential California kid, I had my black hair dyed with blond streaks and skated around my neighbourhood. My mam had her licence confiscated so skating is my main transport at the moment. I hang around with mostly skaters and punks at school; we're a close bunch and do most things together from eating lunch to hanging around after school.
Anyways back to where I was. I pushed myself out of bed once again being greeted by the familiar morning wood. I ignored it opening the door to see if the coast was clear to go to the bathroom. The last thing I needed was Chris seeing me with a hard on that would lead to an ass kicking. I wasn't afraid of Chris although I probably should have been. He was tall, wide and strong. He knew he could hurt me and enjoyed pointing it out as much as possible. Chris had been with my Mam for nearly 6 months, which was probably the longest relationship she'd been involved in since I can remember. As I looked out the door Chris walked out of his room and I froze in the doorway.
"What you upto ya little asshole" slurred his familiar southern accent.
He was a real redneck he had the whole package, a love of bad country music and bad tattoos all over his wide frame. My eyes dropped to the floor
He snarled and walked down the hallway. I slammed my door and fell backwards onto my bed. I tried hard but couldn’t hold back the tears. Thin drips streamed down my face as the pain of these continuous encounters started to show. I didn’t know why Chris hated me so much. I had spent 2 months trying to get him to like me by offering to help him and doing chores but he never changed. He stayed a threatening bully who enjoyed taking his anger out on an already fragile 13 year old.
I got myself together, dried my eyes. I had a macho image to uphold but today I was just too miserable to so I decided to call for my friend Carrie. Carrie was the only person who knew I was gay and had been supportive from the start. She’s the kinda person who'd be there for you no matter what. I grabbed some jeans, a vest, and the new pair of DC's which I had stolen 50 bucks off Chris to buy and threw them on before sliding out my window and out into my own little world. I got my board from its usual hiding spot in my front yard and headed for Carries house, which was all of 2 minutes away.
I hopped off my board and onto the curb just outside Carries to be greeted by her Dad. Carrie's Dad was the nicest guy ever. He always asked how I was and had been concerned about me since I turned up at Carries bruised after a really bad ass kicking from Chris.
I got the usual greeting
"Hey buddy, how’s things with you today?"
He really was the all-American Dad. He patted me on the back before hopping into his car
"I've gotta run, work stuff."
I had always wished I'd had a Dad like him he was always nice and caring and when I came over after being beaten up that time he hugged me and tried to help me out. But I couldn't let him help me if social services saw the state of my Mam Id be gone to some group home shelter type deal and I heard what happened to those kids and it was worse then getting beaten up.
I walked through the doorway of Carrie's house it was 2 mins away but was in a different world to my house. It was huge had a pool and an overall niceness to it but that’s what you get when your Dad's a lawyer. Carries mam greeted me with her usual concern for how skinny I was getting and tried to shove half the refrigerator down my throat before Carrie emerged from the sitting room. She was slim with long red curly hair and was the trust worthiest person I knew. We both disappeared up into her bedroom and I broke down and spilled my heart out to her for an hour. I told her how awful it was to live with Chris and how my Mam was getting worse and how I had ended up in tears in my bedroom after this morning’s confrontation with Chris. She listened and comforted me and I loved her for it. I was truly fucked up and I knew I had to do something about it before I went crazy. We spent the evening listening to music and watching movies. I could do regular kid stuff in her house that I couldn't at home so I took full advantage of it. At 7 I headed home with my heart in my mouth wondering if Chris had realised his money was missing yet. As I came nearer to the house I noticed my Mam's bedroom lights were on so she was home and better yet I was safe for one more night.