"Pete, are you ok?" Doug asked again as my entire body felt as stiff as a board as I looked straight ahead while some Deans talked and gave introductory speeches.
I felt Grant's eyes on me the entire time, but I refused to look at him.
What could I do or say to him at this point?
This was so unexpected.
I had no idea he was thinking of coming to New York and obviously he knew about it in advance in order to get his transfer application in. why hadn't he given me a heads up?
"Doug, I'm fine," I assured him kissing his hand.
But inside I was not fine. My stomach was churning, worrying about a potential confrontation with Grant. And God, why did Grant have to look so amazing?
He seemed to have gotten taller since I had last seen him and slimmer. He wasn't fat to begin with, but he was muscular and big, but now he looked trim and more cut and defined. His skin was as tan as ever, his blond curls gorgeous, and those amazing eyes that I loved so much were stunning. It would be hard to avoid that image on campus.
I was sure things were about to get a lot more complicated.
During the tour, Doug and the other guides did most of the talking, while I kind of followed along, lost in my own thoughts.
It didn't help that Grant had to walk sort of behind and beside me, making me edgy. At one point I felt something brush my hand and I turned in the direction of Grant, noticing he was looking at me intently, with that gorgeous blue shade penetrating into me.
I shook my head at him and walked closer to Doug, keeping my distance from Grant.
Another time during the tour, I got a text message from Grant, asking me to call him or meet him. Again I looked at him and shook my head, despite his pleading look.
For one thing I couldn't exactly meet up with Grant without Doug getting suspicious. Hell, we weren't in school yet so it's not like I had free time away from him, not to mention Doug had just moved in with me. I didn't have much privacy at this point from my current boyfriend.
I was relieved when the tour was over and I grabbed Doug's hand and dragged him off.
"Pete, what's the rush?" he asked running after me in an effort to keep up with my long strides.
"I just want to get out of here," I said determinedly.
"Why?" Doug asked curiously.
"I'll tell you later," I said pulling him along faster.
Doug followed along without asking anymore questions and I was relieved for that. I couldn't sort out the thoughts running through my head to even comprehend any questions from him, let alone filter out a decent answer that wouldn't alarm him.
Because I'm almost positive having my ex here that I was formally and possibly still in love with would definitely freak Doug out.
"We have to slow down Pete. I'm getting tired," Doug complained and I slowed my pace down and looked at him.
"Will you tell me why you freaked at the orientation, please?" he asked, his dark eyes begging me.
I sighed and bit my lip, pulling him to a bench inside the lobby of the administration offices.
"That guy that came in late?" I began.
"Grant," Doug repeated.
"Yeah, Grant, my ex," I said slowly, trying to gauge his reaction.
A look of understanding crossed his face and he looked at me head on.
"What is he doing here?" he asked.
I shrugged, "I have no idea," I replied honestly, "We haven't spoken since I left, or actually when he told me he didn't want to have any contact since long distance was too hard."
"He broke up with you?"
"I guess," I said. "We were doomed from the start anyway. We live too far apart."
"But why is he here?" Doug asked looking worried.
"Well, he was at transfer orientation, so I'm guessing he's a student here," I said.
"I don't like this," Doug said shaking his head.
"I don't want Grant here. He's going to mess with your head," he predicted.
"Why do you say that?"
"You didn't break up because he cheated or anything, but because of distance. And now, distance is no longer a problem!" Doug said standing up.
"Hey, Doug, come on, calm down," I said standing up as well and taking a hold of his arm.
"I can't calm down," Doug said, "I really like you Pete. I fell for you the first time I saw you and being with you, knowing you may not return my feelings completely has been hard on me. We've been in a good place and now that guy is gonna mess it all up!"
"Doug," I said trying to comfort him. I took a hold of his shoulders and gripped him firmly to get him to look me in the eyes. "Don't worry about Grant, ok? We're not together and we're not going to get back together. Things didn't work out and I'm with you now. I'm not just gonna leave you because he's back in my life. I wouldn't do that to you. You're important to me, you know that right?"
Doug didn't say anything and refused to look at me.
"Doug," I said shaking him gently. "Look at me."
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
I pulled him into a hug and kissed his head, "Don't be."
His arms came around my back as he hugged me tightly.
"Come on, let's go home," I said kissing his cheek, feeling bad that he seemed so bothered by Grant being here.
Well then join the club, because so was I!
I pecked his cheek a few more times, "Make me dinner?"
Doug graced me with a small smile, "Of course."
I hugged him to me as we got onto the train.
Things progressed ok from that point on, well sort of.
Grant did call me and email me, but I never returned his messages.
Why contact me after he arrived and not before? Didn't I deserve some sort of heads up? Jeez. Rude much?
Did he expect me to drop everything in my life after a year to welcome him with open arms. I wasn't that pathetic, thank you very much. I drew the line over there.
I didn't see him around campus or in my classes, thank god. I'd be so chicken shit, I'd end up running away. I was praying I would never run into him.
Considering NYU was spread out a bit and I didn't think he'd be in any of my classes, I'd be spared that very awkward situation.
I however, hadn't taken into account the Danny factor and his little meddling tendencies. Which was why Grant was able to corner me in my apartment during the day when I had only one class and Doug was gone for the most part.
I was going to kill Danny for conspiring against me and telling Grant my detailed schedule along with providing a house key.
Talk about invasion of privacy.
I walked into my apartment and did what I always did when I got home on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. I chucked my messenger bag onto the kitchen table and got a bottle of water, chugging it down quickly.
I choked on the water and some of it ran up my nose, spilling out of my mouth and onto the floor. I coughed profusely, leaning over the sick.
Grant came up to me and started slapping my back.
"Cough it out!" he said.
I shoved him away, "I'm fine! What the fuck are you doing here?" I demanded, standing up to my full height. "How the hell did you get in my house?"
Grant backed away and held up his hands, "Calm down, let me explain."
"Stalking me much, Grant?" I asked as I pushed past him and headed for the door.
"Well, what choice did I have? You wouldn't return my calls or emails or anything," he said defensively following me.
I whirled around, holding open the door, "Leave."
He stared at me with his blue eyes, his nostrils flaring, his jaw set.
God, it was the sexiest look I have ever seen on him.
Fucking Hell! Focus Pete, focus!
"No," he said simply.
"No?" I repeated in disbelief.
"No," Grant stated again heading into my living room.
I followed him in shock and looked at him like an idiot.
"You have to get out of here," I said.
"Because you're not welcome here," I said.
Grant frowned, "So you hate me now?"
I groaned in frustration, "No, I don't hate you now," I mocked, "But you can't just come into my life and cause trouble."
"How am I causing trouble?" Grant asked.
"Well, for one thing, my boyfriend wouldn't be pleased to see you here when he gets home from class," I said pacing the room.
Grant looked at his hands.
"He's living with you?" he asked quietly.
I took in a few breaths before answering him, "He moved in about three weeks ago. Like the day before orientation," I clarified.
"Is it serious?" Grant asked still looking at his hands.
"Yeah," I replied.
I saw Grant flinch and hang his head.
"How long have you been together?" he asked in a controlled tone.
"We celebrated our anniversary at the end of August," I said wearily, suddenly feeling very tired and run down.
"Wow, you move fast," he muttered.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "For your information, it's not like I went out looking for a boyfriend. I was in Central Park minding my own business when he came up to me. It sort of went from there. And we were friends first," I said, not really knowing why I was telling him all this.
I plopped down on the couch beside him and he looked at me.
"What are you doing here man? And not my apartment, but here, in New York?" I asked.
Grant sighed, "A lot of stuff happened."
"That explains everything," I said rolling my eyes, "Thanks for clarifying the situation. The clouds have parted now."
Grant smiled and shook his head, still staring straight ahead.
"It's a long story," he said.
"I got time. You did break into my place, I deserve an explanation."
"I didn't break into your place. I talked to Danny and he gave me a key," Grant said.
"Yeah, I'm gonna drop kick him later, but no more stalling. Tell me," I ordered looking at him.
He took a deep breath, "Here goes."
"Okay, when you left, it was really hard for me. I was so moody and depressed, unable to enjoy graduation or my summer. Blair got suspicious and annoyed at me when I couldn't tell him what was bothering me. I stayed that way until we both left for college. Naturally we were roommates and both played college football, but my heart wasn't in it. Everything seemed so trivial and unimportant. None of that stuff would make me happy, not to mention going to all those parties with Blair and forcing myself to hook up with girls was getting tiresome."
He took another deep breath, "And this is where things kind of went downhill. Well, further downhill."
I waited in anticipation for him to continue.
"I started messing up my games on purpose. I started getting into fights with my teammates and Blair. Things were getting bad between us. Then one day, the Coach pulls me aside and forces me to explain what is going on. Eventually I tell him I'm not happy here, but I didn't mention the gay part," he said glancing at me, "I said I didn't care enough for football and that I wanted a change in my life, to find out who I am, and that Texas wasn't doing it for me. Plus, my issues with my Dad and shit. The Coach was understanding, surprisingly, and said that screwing up the games wasn't the answer. He suggested I finish up the season, give it my all, and do well in my classes, and once the year is up, I could transfer to wherever I wanted to go."
Grant ran his fingers through his hair and naturally, like some stupid monkey, I became mesmerized by the action. God, those blond curls. Jesus.
"I realized he was right. I was hurting others by acting this way. So I focused on school and did my best in every game. Blair and I were still off because I couldn't tell him what my problem was. He got even madder at me when I was thinking of transferring to another school, telling me I was a shitty best friend," Grant said with a pained expression.
"When he found out I wanted to go to New York and NYU, he went crazy, saying how you influenced me and now I have completely changed and that he didn't know me anymore. Then he asked if I had messed around with you, if you had seduced me and all that crap."
"What did you say to that?" I asked curiously.
"I said nothing happened, that I was ready for something bigger in my life other than football and getting married and popping out babies," Grant replied. "Anyway, once the semester ended, Blair and I didn't talk, which was ok because I was gearing up for my move. I got accepted, obviously," he said nodding at me, "And I got a couple jobs to save up some money for my first year, even though I would get aid, I wanted some cash and to just get out of the house and away from my Dad. I actually talked with my Coach and he was a good person to talk to. Some of my other friends and teammates were excited about my going to NY, so it wasn't completely terrible, I guess."
"Wow," I said.
"Yeah," Grant said and he shot me a small smile, "I guess I was able to do it after all, huh?"
In spite of everything, I smiled back at him, "I always knew you could."
"Only because of you," he admitted, "Knowing you were here motivated me to get my ass here, even if it took a while. I guess I was too late, though?" he asked quietly.
I shifted in my seat uneasily, "Grant."
I shook my head, "Don't be."
"Do you love him?"
That question almost knocked me off my seat and I couldn't answer right away. I looked at Grant and he was looking at me intently, half nervous, half determined.
"What?" I asked, stalling.
"Pete, you heard me. Do you love him?" he asked again, waiting.
I licked my lips, "I-"
Then I heard loud footsteps and the door swung open seconds later with a flushed Doug running in.
"Hey Pete, my class got canceled or there wasn't class today but I forgot. We should-" Doug broke off when he saw Grant sitting on the couch beside me.
I immediately jumped up and took a few steps away as if that could actually salvage the situation.
Doug's dark eyes turned to me, full of questions and hurt.
I was in deep shit.
"Doug," I started, but Doug spun around and ran right out.
"Doug!" I shouted running after him. I saw him running to my left.
Thank the lord I was generally a fast runner and had the extra height on Doug. I managed to catch up to him after we both turned the corner.
"Doug!" I said as I grabbed onto his back pack and pulled him to me.
He stumbled backwards, but I wrapped my arms around him, catching him.
"Get the fuck off me Pete!" he said struggling in my arms.
"Doug, let me explain. When you walked in, nothing was going on. We were just sitting on the couch and he was telling me how he transferred here," I said quickly, hoping he would listen to me if I explained faster.
"Why was he there in the first place?" Doug asked finally ceasing his movement.
"I don't know. Danny gave him the house key. It's not like I invited him in or let him in. I came home and was drinking water when he popped into my kitchen," I said as he turned to face me.
He was breathing hard and looking annoyed.
"Doug," I said quietly, caressing his cheek.
He moved his face away and I felt more guilt wash over me.
"Come on Doug, Grant and I weren't doing anything," I said again with a pleading tone.
Doug looked at me, breathing hard, "Do you have feelings for him still?"
What was with everyone asking me difficult questions today?
"Doug," I pleaded.
"Answer me," he said firmly.
"I don't know. He's confusing me," I admitted.
Doug looked away and crossed his arms, "Confusing you?"
I sighed, "I don't know. I'm with you and I like being with you, ok? But seeing him is bringing back memories."
Doug didn't say anything and neither did I. We just stood there on the street, distanced from one another, his eyes avoiding mine.
"What do you want me to do?" I finally asked.
I sighed again, "You have to have some idea. Just tell me and I'll do it."
"I'm going to move out," he said suddenly.
My eyes widened, "What? Why?"
"You need to do some thinking and I can't be there to sway your decision."
"You have to choose who you want now that Grant is here. Do you want to go back to him or stay with me? And you have to really choose, ok? I don't want to be second best, I don't want you just to be with me out of guilt. You have to figure out who you want," Doug said as he began walking back to our apartment. Or my apartment.
"Doug, wait," I said reaching for his arm, but he shook me off.
"I'm serious Pete. Get back to me when you've made up your mind," he said.
I trailed after him, my thoughts all in a jumble.
Grant had left by the time we walked back, which was good. I couldn't handle the both of them there.
Unfortunately, I had to watch helplessly as Doug packed his belongings while I tried to no avail to convince him to stay.
"Will you drive me back to Brooklyn?" he asked. I nodded.
The drive was silent and tense and I wanted to say something to reassure him, but I didn't know what that would be.
When we got to his Dad's place, he started to get out, but I grabbed his arm.
"Doug," I said and he finally looked at me.
He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.
When he pulled back, he rubbed his thumb affectionately over my bottom lip, "I love you Pete," he said softly.
Those words tore at my stomach.
"I want you to be happy Pete. If you love Grant," he paused and swallowed hard, "And he loves you back, then you need to be together. Two people in a relationship have to have the same feelings. It won't work for long if I only love you. I know that," he said his voice sounding strained. "I'm willing to let you go even if it means you won't come back to me."
The way he was talking with such finality made me really sad and almost want to cry.
He took my hand and kissed it tenderly before getting out of my car and retrieving his bags. With one last look he was gone.
I felt like such a mess as I drove back to Queens. I couldn't focus on driving and was really relieved to make it home alive.
I didn't know what to do or how to sort this out. I had tons of assignments to do and class tomorrow, when all I really wanted to do was sit home and ask why this was happening to me.
Two guys in love with me? Shit like this doesn't happen in real life.
Fuck. Well lucky me, I won the fucking lottery. This drama filled crap actually WAS happening to me.
That night as I was sleeping, I kept visualizing Doug's sad dark eyes, telling me over and over again to make a choice.
I knew that whatever choice I made would not make everyone happy. Someone was bound to lose out.
Grant or Doug?
Doug or Grant?
Fuck, fuck, and more fuck.
"Thanks a fucking lot," I snapped at Danny as he flagged me down at the library the following afternoon.
He looked surprised and I wasn't in the mood for the innocent act.
"Why did you give Grant a key to my place?"
He looked away briefly.
"Did you know how much trouble you caused? You messed up my relationship with Doug. He moved out!"
Danny looked at me guiltily, "Oh god, I'm so sorry."
"Well sorry isn't gonna cut it. Oh and get this, he broke up with me. Happy now?" I asked stalking away.
"Pete!" he called after me, causing people to give us annoyed looks as I strode out of the building.
"Pete, I'm sorry, I thought I was helping," he said, pulling me to a stop.
"Yeah, thought being the key word," I said angrily, tearing my arm free. "You couldn't just listen to me, could you? I was with Doug and things were going well, but you had to take it upon yourself to play matchmaker with me and Grant. Did you even think of what that would do to Doug? He's a good guy and he's been there for me when you haven't!"
Danny recoiled as if I had punched him and I instantly felt bad when his face took on a hurt expression. But damn me, I had too much pride to apologize at the moment.
"Listen, I've tried to be there for you," Danny began heatedly, "Don't make it seem like I ditched you for Julie. We always try to include you and you're the one running off to be with Doug and ditching us, people you've known your entire life, by the way! You're avoiding your feelings and you're going to be the one to hurt Doug in the long run, only when you do it, it will hurt more because you would have strung him along for years! I was doing the poor guy a favor. You're the stupid bitch who can't make up his mind. Grant came all the way for you, you fuck head!"
I shoved him hard, "Fuck you."
"I wouldn't even if you paid me," he shouted and then ran off, leaving me in the middle of a gathering crowd.
I cast my eyes down and continued on my way, eventually breaking into a run.
I just had to get away.
Yet things were about to get worse.
When I made it back to my apartment, Grant was waiting outside for me.
"Are you stalking me still?" I asked as I fished my keys out of my pocket. "Can't you take a hint?" I asked sarcastically.
Grant frowned, but made no move to leave.
"I just wanted to talk to you," he said.
"Why bother? You already messed up my life," I said bitterly as I brushed past him.
"Pete," he said as he followed me.
"Don't come in," I said harshly as I blocked his path.
His wide blue eyes flinched with hurt and he turned briefly away.
God, I was making everyone around me feel bad lately. I should bury myself in a hole or something.
"I'm sorry for messing things up for you," Grant said quietly.
I hung my head, "Grant."
"I know I pushed my way back into your life after I told you I didn't want to talk to you anymore. I made a mistake. I was just too scared or too weak," he said in frustration, "I thought it would be better, pretending you didn't exist anymore, but it was useless. I thought of you all the time. I needed you. I wouldn't be able to enjoy life without you, so I came here. It was dumb of me to have thought you would be single still or gladly take me back, but I had to try," he said biting his lip.
"When I told you we shouldn't contact one another anymore, I didn't stop loving you. I still love you very much," Grant said as he inched closer to me.
I knew him coming closer to me was dangerous, but I was frozen on the spot.
"I love you Pete, I love you so much," he said as he took a giant step forward and wrapped both of his arms around me, engulfing me completely, pulling me in.
Our chests touched and he buried his face in my neck, inhaling and kissing me.
"Grant, stop!" I said trying to push him away, but my arms were kind of trapped.
He didn't answer me as he continued to assault my neck with kisses, increasing with urgency.
"Stop it," I said twisting my neck away from his soft lips, "Let go of me!" I snapped.
Grant pushed his way into my apartment as he kept a tight grip on me.
I was forced to walk backwards and before I knew it, we were in my living room.
"Grant, what are you doing? Get the fuck out of here!" I said in annoyance even as my eyes closed while he sucked gently on my neck.
A moan escaped my lips.
"Ok, fine, I'll leave. But only if you tell me you don't love me," he whispered into my ear.
My breath caught in my throat at his words.
He pulled his face back and looked me in the eyes, the bright blue shade hypnotizing me once again.
"Say it Pete. Say you hate me, say you don't love me anymore and that you never will love me again. Tell me that and I will leave. I'll leave your life and never bother you again, as if we never met, complete strangers. I'll walk past you and not even look in your direction ," he said fervently as he pecked my lips.
I groaned at the situation I was in.
His strong hands wandered down my back to my ass and I was overcome with an overwhelming desire to have him right here and now.
After a few minutes Grant hoisted me and held me in his arms as my legs wrapped around his waist instinctively.
"Say it," he urged.
"Please," I begged avoiding his eyes.
"Tell me what I need to hear to get over you," Grant demanded holding me tighter against him, his strong hands massaging my ass and thighs.
I shook my head and tears came to my eyes, "No," I murmured, "I won't."
Grant nudged my chin with his nose so he could look me in the eyes, "Say it Pete," he whispered looking into my eyes intently.
Tears streaked down my cheeks as we just looked at each other.
"I can't," I finally whispered.
Grant smiled and his own eyes looked a bit teary.
"Thank you," was all he said before he pressed his lips to mine, his tongue surging through my parted lips. I gripped his neck as I kissed him back, our mouths and tongues moving sloppily as if to make up for all our lost time.
We fell onto a soft surface which I later realized was my bed.
I was overcome with pure lust at this point. So was Grant apparently because there was no tenderness or foreplay; just blunt actions.
He tore my jeans past my ankles and threw them to the floor and shed his own jeans. Pulling his shirt over his head, he rolled mine off of me and opened my drawer, finally pulling out a condom.
"Grant," I choked out as I gripped his arms while he sheathed the condom onto his hard cock and started stroking my cock, causing pre cum to leak out profusely.
"Fuck," I moaned as Grant scooped up some of my pre cum and coated my hole and his cock.
Then he pushed his head in.
I cried out and gripped his arms harder, but didn't tell him to stop.
I wanted this. I needed this.
He inched his way forward, steadily, and forcefully until his balls slapped my ass. I winced as I tried to adjust to his girth.
He stayed still for a moment and I could feel his large strong body panting and heaving. Without warning he began to pull out and thrust back in, hitting my spot roughly.
I gasped as my legs wrapped even tighter around his waist.
"Grant," I whimpered, holding onto his sweaty shoulders.
He pounded into me faster and faster and all too soon, I tensed and started to shoot, my cum coating his chest and I cried out as the pleasure hit me rapidly.
I couldn't ride out the orgasm; it took over my body at such a fast pace as Grant eagerly fucked me. With a shout, he came as well and I felt a warm burst of heat in my ass.
"Oh god!" he cried out over and over again as he pumped into me just as hard as before.
When it was over, he lay still over me, supporting his body weight.
Finally he opened his eyes and we looked at one another. For no reason at all I started to laugh.
He frowned, "What's so funny?"
I continued to chuckle, "Was this your intention when you came over? To come into my house and fuck my brains out?"
His brow furrowed at my choice of words, "I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I missed you so much."
I lay there catching my breath until Grant touched my face, gripped my chin, and forced me to look at him.
"I love you."
I sighed and closed my eyes.
"Pete?" Grant said hesitantly.
I opened my eyes again and looked at him.
"I love you too, you fucking oaf," I said grudgingly as a small smile formed on my lips.
He started grinning. "Who you calling an oaf?"
"Well not myself of course," I said. "I weigh like two pounds."
Grant eased out of me and lay next to me. I sighed as he reached for my hand.
"I love you Grant, but your arrival caused me some stress," I said as I intertwined my fingers with his, "I got into a fight with Danny, Doug is hurt. I don't know, my life is a mess, all thanks to you."
"I'm sorry," Grant said again, "I didn't want to cause you any trouble. You know that wasn't my intention. I just needed to try to be with you."
I sighed heavily and faced him, "Unfortunately, you big lug, you're worth the trouble. And trust me, you are going to cause me some trouble in the near future."
Grant shot me a puppy eyed look.
I laughed and kissed his nose then his lips, "I intend on you making it up to me."
Grant grinned, "Happy to do it baby."
I licked his neck, "You can start your first payment now," I said pushing him onto his back and straddling him.
"Oh yeah?" Grant teased, "How much is my payment going to be?" he asked holding onto me.
I took hold of his hardening cock and gently stroked him. Grant groaned and thrust into my hand.
I eased a finger inside of him and aimed for his prostate, massaging it slowly and teasingly. His blue eyes rolled beneath his eyelids and the sight was turning me on.
Three fingers later he was panting and sweating and straining against me.
"Pete, you're torturing me," he muttered in lust.
I laughed and yanked on his hair slightly, loving the feel of his silky blond curls in my fingers. I missed that feeling.
"Well you deserve it, coming into my life, unannounced, stirring up trouble," I said entering him gently.
Grant gasped and his hand tugged on the sheets.
No more words were spoken; instead just grunts and moans of pleasure as I slowly made love to him.