The next day the phone rang at 8 am and I raced to it and breathlessly picked it up hoping it was Tim. But it was someone from my parents church and I called my mother to the phone.
I hung around the house all day waiting for the phone to ring and every time it did I would pick it up after the first ring in the hope it was him. By 10pm I was exhausted, upset and I felt as though my stomach and heart had been ripped out of my body.
I sat upstairs in my bedroom with Enya playing softly in the background, a candle burning on my desk staring out my window into the dark night. The trees were swaying violently in the wind that had continued to blow hard since yesterday. I was tired and upset and single tear ran down my cheek. I couldn't understand why he hadn't called after all he had said that he loved me?
Maybe Sam had been right and he was just experimenting with guys and he hated me now because of what we did. I didn't think I could bear it if he hated me it would be too much for my innocent and na´ve heart to take.
I slipped under the covers of my bed and smothered my face in my pillow and breathed in his scent from the time we were together in my bed. I could till smell him and when I closed my eyes I could fell his strong naked body against me. I began to softly cry until I fell asleep.
My alarm woke me up at 5:30 the next morning, so early because I had swimming training. I hit the snooze button and decided to miss it, but my father knocked softly on my door came in and turned on my light and reminded me of swimming practice. Sometimes I think the only reason I was in the swimming team was because of my dad. He was in the swimming team at school and thought it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him, mainly because he met mum through an interschool meet and they had married three years later. Then I came along and screwed up all of their big plans. Both mum and dad dropped out of uni and they never let me forget it either. Don't get me wrong they were happy together but they tried to always live through me and my sister. I was dreading the day when they found out their only Son was a poofter....
I slowly stretched out under my covers and looked down at my body, I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined being next to Tim, oh Tim how could we have come so far but lost so badly?
My morning hard on was pressing against the duvet and I reached down to gently squeeze it rub the sensitive head. I shivered at the touch and started to lose myself in fantasy. I imagined Tim's soft warm tongue gently licking around my balls and sending little bolts of lightening up my spine. My heart started to race and my pulse quickened as his tongue started moving upwards along the underside of my shaft and towards my hot purple pulsating head. He engulfed the head in his mouth and his tongue tried to make its way into the slit. I tried to hold back but at that moment everything in the world stopped and my I started shooting.
I lay back panting and opened my eyes to see none there I was all by myself.
Swimming Practice was pretty uneventful, apart from the fact that my body was not really up to a whole lot of physical exhaustion, after the weekend....No not because of the sex, but because of my diabetes.
Getting changed I caught a glimpse of Tim coming into the sports centre and I hurried putting on my school uniform and ran out to see him. Tim was talking to some of the other school prefects and laughing about something. My face instantly went red and I was terrified that he was talking about me. As I walked past them sitting on the benches overlooking the gymnasium I stopped and asked Scott who was in my english class if he had done this weeks readings, then I said oh hi Tim and tried to look straight at him, but ended up looking at one of the other guys instead. He didn't respond and I started to choke up and walk away just hearing the calls of fag boy, cocksucker shirt flap lifter.
My mind was racing ad I thought that I was going to throw up or fall over or do something anything other than live. If the earth had opened up and swallowed me in I wouldn't have cared less at that moment. As far as I was concerned I stopped living the moment Tim didn't even look at me or respond to me.
I kicked the sports centre door open and half stumbled and half ran away. I needed to be alone away from everyone and especially away from Tim. I blindly made my way to a seat overlooking the main oval and sat there staring into space. Tears were forming in my eyes, but I was biting my lip so hard to stop myself from crying.
I didn't notice that someone was standing right behind me calling my name. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a stream of tears splashed down my cheek into my mouth and mixed with my blood where I had bitten through my lip to stop myself from crying.
I turned around hoping desperately that it was him and I looked up through the haze of my tears I came face to face with Tim. His deep brown eyes were welling with tears and shone with the reflection of the morning sun. He slowly ran a finger down my cheek and over my lip where it lingered for a moment before he took it away and brought it to his own lips to kiss. This one special gesture made my heart break and the floodgates were opened as tears ran down my face and neck into my shirt.
I'm sorry, please forgive me, I'm so sorry, I just can't .... I'm so frightened.
He crumpled down onto the bench beside me with his face in his hands mumbling something about being sorry so sorry. I tentatively reached out my hand and grabbed his. As my fingers touched his Tim's hand grabbed mine in a vice like grip.
We stayed like that for ages until we both realised where we were and we looked around to see if anyone had seen us. No one was paying any attention is was still to early for the majority of the school to arrive. The only thing watching us was a magpie, staring at us curiously from a couple of meters away, titling its head and warily keeping an eye on us.
At that moment I knew just how much I truly loved this boy, not just for his god given good looks but I loved him and everything about him. I started to speak and it really opened the tide of emotions. I wanted to know why he didn't call, did he really have a girlfriend, why why why? I wanted to know everything, I wanted to understand him. He opened up to me and told me that he was frightened by the feelings that he had for me, he had a girlfriend, but he knew he didn't love her or even want to have sex with her. He wanted to be with me. But he wasn't ready for a full on relationship or especially decide whether he was gay or straight or bi or whatever.
I sat there listening and asking more and more questions, he said that I was the first person he had ever felt totally comfortable with, he could be himself and didn't have to hide his true feelings or his emotions.
He hadn't called me because he thought if he didn't see me then these feelings would go away and he would be back to being "normal" or something like that. But he had been so miserable thinking about me and he had started to phone me so many times but had never dialed the last number. I was so happy to hear that he had been thinking about me and he felt the same feelings too. I was so overjoyed but then things started to go a bit wrong.
Tim was part of the in crowd and hung round with all the sporty types, whereas I tended to hang around with um hang around with um...myself. Everyone gave me a pretty hard time, even the teachers, after all it was a very snobby religious school and I was different, I was quiet and contemplative around people like them and didn't seem to fit in. Tim was worried that if he started hanging out with me at school people would start talking. I was crushed but I also knew that what he was saying was quite realistic if all of a sudden the most popular boy hung round with the "fairy boy". I readily agreed even though my heart felt like breaking.
Tim suggested that we keep our distance, but that once we are out of school it was totally different. This sounded reasonable to me, although I didn't really want to pretend not be friends or lovers as we were fast becoming.
The bell rang and he quickly grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze and asked if I wanted to meet him at his house after school. My cock went rigid at the thought and all I could do was nod in reply. Tim winked at me and ran away towards the science department leaving me to try and think of anything that would make my hard dick go down.
I looked at my watch and it was almost five to nine and I knew that somehow I would have to get through the next seven hours without bursting with anticipation. I got up and walked towards my first class for the day English with Ms Summers my favorite teacher.
I reached the room just as the bell went signaling the beginning of the first period and Ms Summers looked up with a twinkle in her eyes and asked me how my weekend was. I looked at her blankly and told her it was great. She smiled and gave a sort of lopsided grin as I walked to my seat. The class went quickly and the other guys in the class kept to themselves a lot and only made a few snide remarks in my direction, very unlike most other classes.
At the end of the period Ms Summers asked to stay behind for a few moments to talk to me about my major assignment. As I waited for Ms Summers to finish cleaning the whiteboard. When the final student had left and it was just me and Ms Summers she walked over the door locked it and turned around. I was starting get very apprehensive about this and the room suddenly felt very small.
It's OK you're not in trouble, I just wanted to make sure everything is allright, you've been very down for the last few months and this morning your eyes are all red.
I sat there in silence and my face started to go bright red and I could feel the sweat dripping down my chest. I didn't say anything and just sat their acting dumb. She came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and said.
It's ok to be different you know, you aren't alone in this, I'm always there if you want to talk about something important. I nodded and she continued,
You shouldn't let these spoilt little rich pricks give you a hard time about being yourself you know. They are just jealous of hat you have....Your own identity, do you understand?
Look here's my home number call me if you need to talk to someone, It's ok take it.
I tentatively reached for the scrap of paper which was in her hand and as I took it she said
He's a lovely boy isn't he........
By now I was almost hyperventilating and I had gone into some sort of shock, what the hell was going on here? Had she seen us? Had she overheard us? The emotions of the past few days made me feel like I was in a runaway train going faster and faster with no way of stopping.
I sat there dizzy and confused and decided to just keep quiet.
I live with my girlfriend so there's no need to worry about telling me anything, if you feel like calling I'm always there for you Josh, don't go though this alone.
Then she looked at her watch and cursed under her breath and said she was late for her next class and that I should hurry along as well all while picking up her papers and moving towards the door.